Scrumbag

Where Now For Ireland?

Another summer tour, another airing for the "gallant losers" tag.  Two very competitive games against the All Blacks followed by a more resounding defeat by Australia, and the usual whisperings of tiredness.  As an Irish rugby fan, there are some positives to take from the tour - Denis Leamy looks more and more like a test-quality number eight, we're more than capable of scoring tries against much-vaunted defences, and our performance at the breakdown was more than encouraging in all three games.  So what's to complain about?

Perhaps a look at our backline, Munster's Heineken triumph, and our recent Six Nations record, second only to France, has given the Irish supporter unrealistic expectations of what our side can achieve.  Yet Eddie O'Sullivan himself said prior to the tour that Ireland were going out there looking to win games.  We should hold him to that.  While giving credit for all that was good about this tour, we shouldn't be satisfied with the "gallant loser" mantle, which is the equivalent of an affectionate ruffling of the hair from a patronising uncle.  If, as we keep being told, this is a golden generation of Irish rugby players, we should stop being happy to be "best of the rest" behind New Zealand, Australia, France and South Africa.  Three consecutive wins over the Auld Enemy (England) need to be put into context - the current England side is atrocious, and not even a pallid shadow of that which won the 2003 World Cup.  We need to beat someone half-decent before chests can be puffed out.

So what is missing in Irish rugby?  What is the line drawn between "competitive in defeat" and genuine glory?  Why is it always "this far, but no further"?  I'm no rugby genius, but allow me to make some observations, which you're all more than welcome to shoot down in flames should the fancy take you.

1)  For the love of God, why can we churn out locks and back-rows with the talent to match the top sides, but not a single world-class prop?  In rugby terms, a prop is defined as a player who holds up the scrum and enables it to drive forwards.  In theatrical terms, a "prop" is an inanimate object that aids the illusion of reality.  Perhaps someone has misunderstood somewhere along the way, because as far as our scrum goes, the front row is purely ornamental. 

John Hayes is a line-out lifter without compare.  Marcus Horan is a ball-carrier of tenacity and skill.  Neither of these men is a world-class scrummager.  When the Australians were beaten like a red-headed stepchild last autumn at Twickenham, they immediately announced that scrummaging would be focused on at all levels in order to prevent similar embarassment in the future.  Is it too much to hope that the IRFU could follow suit?

2)  At half-back, Ronan O'Gara and Peter Stringer are talented but limited.  Through the lack of a challenge, Stringer in particular has accumulated caps.  His pass is quick, his commitment is unquestionable, his break is sadly lacking.  Scotland and Wales are leaving Lions scrum-halves on the bench at the moment, such is their depth at that position.  Ireland's scrum-half back-up seem at the moment to serve as bench ornaments.  We hear good things about Eoin Reddan, Isaac Boss and Tomas O'Leary.  Why don't they ever start a game? 

Ronan O'Gara couldn't tackle the Sun crossword, yet in recent games Eddie O'Sullivan has gone without a fly-half on the bench.  Where is O'Gara's impetus to improve if there is no danger of him being dropped?  The talent pool is limited at no. 10, for certain.  So develop some players in that position!  If the World Cup comes along, and opposing teams are targeting Rog's defence, or he gets injured, it will be too late for a Plan B.  If the problem is addressed now, there may still be time.

3)  Brian O'Driscoll is perhaps the best player in the world.  He's certainly among the best.  We know it.  The players know it, both on the Ireland side and the opposition.  So when things are going wrong on the pitch, the ball gets lobbed Brian's way and he's expected to make things OK with a silky break or a clever pass.  And the opposition swarm around him, we lose ground and he takes more physical punishment.  The man was targeted for a potentially career-ending illegal tackle last summer.  Might it not help if we took some of the attention off him?

The 2004 Six Nations saw the re-emergence of Gordon D'Arcy in O'Driscoll's absence.  The Autumn Internationals of 2005 saw Andrew Trimble step up with distinction.  At Munster, Barry Murphy is looking like a real prospect for the future.  All of these men can play outside-centre.  They can play in Brian's place or alongside him.  At the moment, opposing sides feel that if they stop BO'D, they stop Ireland.  This increases the chance that he will one day sustain a career-ending injury.  If we show that we can compete without a captain's innings from our top man, we can prolong his career, and also make a contingency for when he's not there.  And just as importantly, we can take a step towards being the team that can travel to the Southern Hemisphere and win.

Feel free to add your own view(s) or to trash mine.  Hopefully someone influential is going to have the foresight to implement some ideas that will get rid of the "gallant losers" from headlines once and for all.

All Blacks Show Off

So you've just beaten a very competitive Ireland side twice in a row and maintained a reputation as the best team in the world.  What next?  Well, if you're New Zealand head coach Graham Henry, you select an entirely different starting XV for a one-off test in Argentina, of course.  Henry has publicly stated more than once that, with a World Cup not far off, he wants to avoid the pitfalls encountered by his predecessors, who found themselves to be short of adequate cover if a player got injured.  What Graham wants, he says, is two sides capable of beating whatever is put before them.  And he means that literally.

The main headlines of the selection are a return for Dan Carter, left out of both Ireland games to give him a rest, and a debut for wing Scott Hamilton ahead of the upcoming Tri-Nations series.  The rest of the rugby world will be hoping for an Argentine win - if nothing else, to stop Graham Henry from declaring himself "President of the World" and travelling everywhere on the back of a Siberian tiger.  It's not just me who's been worrying about that, is it?  Is it?

New Zealand side to face Argentina, Saturday 24th June: Leon MacDonald; Rico Gear, Isaia Toeava, Sam Tuitupou, Scott Hamilton; Daniel Carter, Piri Weepu; Tony Woodcock, Anton Oliver, Greg Somerville, Jason Eaton, Ali Williams, Jerry Collins (capt), Chris Masoe, Mose Tuiali'i.
Replacements: Andrew Hore, Neemia Tialata, Troy Flavell, Craig Newby, Jimmy Cowan, Luke McAlister, Ma'a Nonu.

O'Sullivan Backs O'Gara

Ireland coach Eddie O'Sullivan has spoken out in support of fly-half Ronan O'Gara in light of recent criticism over the player's defensive performance.  O'Gara, not for the first time, was run over for a try during Saturday's defeat by New Zealand, and his tackling has often been highlighted as a weak area.  Perhaps mindful of the absence of any real competition at fly-half, O'Sullivan defended the Munsterman.

"It was a bit like a dump truck hitting a bike. Ronan keeps working on his defence but occasionally he gets caught.  Ronan is not the biggest back in world rugby. He is an incredibly skilful player and runner of the game. What happens in modern rugby is that the opposition try to set up a mismatch with a guy who is 10 kilos heavier. It's a car wreck."  Not exactly music to the ears of Ireland fans with a World Cup just a year off, but fingers crossed Ireland will find a way to combat it.

O'Driscoll Aims To Give All Blacks Nervous Breakdown

Sometimes the headlines just write themselves, don't they?

Ireland captain Brian O'Driscoll has pin-pointed the ruck area as a key battle in this Saturday's test in Auckland.  The breakdown was one of Ireland's strong points in the unlucky defeat in Hamilton, and O'Driscoll feels that another decent showing there is of paramount importance in Ireland's attempt to go one better.

"Dominance of the breakdown is very important.  But it can vary from game to game, depending on who the referee is.  You play to your knowledge of the ref. It might be different this Saturday."  The ref this Saturday is South Africa's Jonathan Kaplan.  Memo to Jonathan (I know he's reading, he's a big fan of my work):  You're a Springbok, yeah?  Well, keep that in mind.  Green shirts = good.  Not green shirts = bad.  You know what to do.

Troy Flavell "We Should Clean Irish Off The Park"

The lot of an online rugby journalist in the summer months is not often a happy one.  Not much to write about except for previews and reviews of the summer internationals, so you're left wondering whether to go with "Clive Woodward Blows His Nose" as a main story or hold it back for a really slow day.  So a big thank you goes to Troy Flavell, the second-choice New Zealand lock, who with a single utterance from his classless yap-hole has given Eddie O'Sullivan some material for his pre-match team talk.

Flavell, who scored the deciding try in last weekend's game, feels that the All-Blacks were ring-rusty and gave Ireland too easy a ride, saying:  "They managed to slow our ball down at the breakdown which was pretty crucial.  But we would like to think that if we play to our potential we will clean them off the field."  Hell, it may be true.  But if Ireland spring a surprise in Auckland, one hopes that the Irish fans will make clear their gratitude to Flavell for inspiring that little extra effort, especially as he is one of the few All Blacks who wouldn't get into our first XV.

George Gregan Rested For Second Test

Australian scrum-half and captain George Gregan will start Sunday's clash with England on the subs' bench as new Wallabies coach John Connolly makes three changes from the side which won the first test so comprehensively.  Gregan is replaced as captain by centre Stirling Mortlock, and as scrum-half by Sam Cordingley of Queensland.  Should he come on from the bench, Gregan would be making his 120th appearance for his country, thus passing Jason Leonard's record of 119 tests, which he equalled on Sunday past.

Hooker Adam Freier replaces Al Baxter, with second-rpw Mark Chisholm moving to the back row to allow injured Daniel Heenan a rest.  Coach Connolly explained: "The load has increased on players with the expanded Super 14 season and a longer Test programme so it's a matter of managing players as well as exposing more of the squad to this level."

England Make Wholesale Changes For Second Australian Test

England coach Andy Robinson has made six changes for this Sunday's second test against Australia.  The side which lost 34-3 on Sunday past was always likely to be tinkered with, and given Robinson's tendencies, the fact that 60% of the starting XV from that game have retained their places is actually a surprise.  That Tom Varndell, held by many as being culpable for such a poor showing, has kept his place, is miraculous.

The unlucky men are Tom Voyce and Alex Brown (dropped completely), Lee Mears, Olly Barkley, Louis Deacon and Magnus Lund (all on the bench) as Robinson reshuffles his pack (and his backs).  Those who profit are Jamie Noon (who will play outside centre with Matt Tait moving to the wing), Ben Kay, George Chuter, Andy Goode, Chris Jones and Joe Worsley.  This gives England an all-Leicester front row, with hooker Chuter joining clubmates Graham Rowntree and Julian White.  With Kay and Goode also returning to the side, we can guess who'll get the blame should England lose.

England team to face Australia on Sunday : I Balshaw (Gloucester); T Varndell (Leicester), J Noon (Newcastle), M Catt (London Irish), M Tait (Newcastle); A Goode (Leicester), P Richards (Gloucester); G Rowntree (Leicester), G Chuter (Leicester), J White (Leicester), C Jones (Sale Sharks), B Kay (Leicester), J Worsley (Wasps), L Moody (Leicester), P Sanderson (Worcester, capt)
Replacements: L Mears (Bath), T Payne (Wasps), L Deacon (Leicester), M Lund (Sale Sharks), N Walshe (Bath), O Barkley (Bath), S Abbott (Harlequins)

Gareth Thomas: "Attack, attack, attack"

Welsh captain Gareth Thomas has called for new head coach Gareth Jenkins to permanently adopt the all-out attacking style with which the side ended Sunday's game against Argentina.  Thomas, who as a fan of former Wales skills coach Scott Johnson was considered to be at the forefront of a player-led coup to unseat former coach Mike Ruddock, believes that if the Welsh play attacking rugby for 80 minutes, they will be too strong for the Pumas.

Thomas told the BBC Wales programme Scrum V:  "Wales are fitter and faster, if we go for 80 minutes like we ended the first Test Argentina won't cope."  He went on to praise the new caps Ian Evans and James Hook, singling out Evans' 45-yard run for a try as a reason why attack is the way forward for the Welsh, saying, "There's fitness throughout the team - there aren't many second rows in the world who could do that."

Ireland Name Unchanged Side For Second Test

Irish coach Eddie O'Sullivan has decided to stick with the same XV who ran New Zealand close in Hamilton for this Saturday's test in Auckland.  A space has however been left on the bench due to a doubt over Geordan Murphy's fitness - should Murphy be able to play the spare seat will in all likelihood be given to Denis Hickie.

The All Blacks make three changes, with Jerome Kaino replacing Marty Holah, Casey Laulala coming in in place of Ma'a Nonu, and Troy Flavell, scorer of the decisive try in Hamilton, replacing Jack Rawlinson at lock.

Australia 34 England 3

The optimists among the England support and staff have been quoted as saying that this performance was "encouraging" and that the team did a lot right.  That may be, but let us not be hoodwinked into thinking that this match put Andy Robinson's men anywhere near retaining their World Cup title.  On the pitch where that title was won three years ago, the teams again shared 37 points.  This time, however, Australia took not only the lion's share of those points, but also the polar bear's and the rhino's, leaving England with enough to feed a sickly puppy.

There were some things that England did well.  At the contact area they were competitive, and they put phases together well.  But they've been doing that anyway.  What was lacking before - and still is - is a cutting edge, and unless they find it soon then even a semi-final place in France sounds over-ambitious for England.

It grieves Scrumbag to relate that one of the chief culprits in the English performance was young Tiger Tom Varndell.  His pace and eye for an opening are not in doubt, and he is definitely a quality player.  But given Andy Robinson's propensity for dropping young players on the basis of a single poor performance, it could be a while before he gets another chance to show it.  Yes, he made errors yesterday, but frankly if you were going to drop every player who underperformed in a white shirt yesterday you'd be left with the back row.

The excuse that England were working with a new coaching team and understrength squad is all well and good, until you realise that Australia were playing with an untried front row, were without arguably their best back in Matt Giteau, and had an entirely new coaching staff themselves.  And they murdered England.  But for some poor kicking at goal by Sterling Mortlock, Australia would have passed 40 points.  The one time England crossed the line, Iain Balshaw unforgivably failed to ground the ball, though all credit to the record-equalling George Gregan for his phenomenal tackle.

Aside from Balshaw's moment, England never really looked like scoring a try.  Mike Catt, brought back into the reckoning to unlock the potential of the young backs around him, never really managed to make an impact.  The back three of Balshaw, Voyce and Varndell all under-performed, with Matt Tait an honourable exception.  There will be changes for the Second Test, but whether the gap between the two teams will be among those is open to grave doubt.

O'Sullivan Backs O'Gara

Ireland coach Eddie O'Sullivan has spoken out in support of fly-half Ronan O'Gara in light of recent criticism over the player's defensive performance.  O'Gara, not for the first time, was run over for a try during Saturday's defeat by New Zealand, and his tackling has often been highlighted as a weak area.  Perhaps mindful of the absence of any real competition at fly-half, O'Sullivan defended the Munsterman.

"It was a bit like a dump truck hitting a bike. Ronan keeps working on his defence but occasionally he gets caught.  Ronan is not the biggest back in world rugby. He is an incredibly skilful player and runner of the game. What happens in modern rugby is that the opposition try to set up a mismatch with a guy who is 10 kilos heavier. It's a car wreck."  Not exactly music to the ears of Ireland fans with a World Cup just a year off, but fingers crossed Ireland will find a way to combat it.

O'Driscoll Aims To Give All Blacks Nervous Breakdown

Sometimes the headlines just write themselves, don't they?

Ireland captain Brian O'Driscoll has pin-pointed the ruck area as a key battle in this Saturday's test in Auckland.  The breakdown was one of Ireland's strong points in the unlucky defeat in Hamilton, and O'Driscoll feels that another decent showing there is of paramount importance in Ireland's attempt to go one better.

"Dominance of the breakdown is very important.  But it can vary from game to game, depending on who the referee is.  You play to your knowledge of the ref. It might be different this Saturday."  The ref this Saturday is South Africa's Jonathan Kaplan.  Memo to Jonathan (I know he's reading, he's a big fan of my work):  You're a Springbok, yeah?  Well, keep that in mind.  Green shirts = good.  Not green shirts = bad.  You know what to do.

Troy Flavell "We Should Clean Irish Off The Park"

The lot of an online rugby journalist in the summer months is not often a happy one.  Not much to write about except for previews and reviews of the summer internationals, so you're left wondering whether to go with "Clive Woodward Blows His Nose" as a main story or hold it back for a really slow day.  So a big thank you goes to Troy Flavell, the second-choice New Zealand lock, who with a single utterance from his classless yap-hole has given Eddie O'Sullivan some material for his pre-match team talk.

Flavell, who scored the deciding try in last weekend's game, feels that the All-Blacks were ring-rusty and gave Ireland too easy a ride, saying:  "They managed to slow our ball down at the breakdown which was pretty crucial.  But we would like to think that if we play to our potential we will clean them off the field."  Hell, it may be true.  But if Ireland spring a surprise in Auckland, one hopes that the Irish fans will make clear their gratitude to Flavell for inspiring that little extra effort, especially as he is one of the few All Blacks who wouldn't get into our first XV.

George Gregan Rested For Second Test

Australian scrum-half and captain George Gregan will start Sunday's clash with England on the subs' bench as new Wallabies coach John Connolly makes three changes from the side which won the first test so comprehensively.  Gregan is replaced as captain by centre Stirling Mortlock, and as scrum-half by Sam Cordingley of Queensland.  Should he come on from the bench, Gregan would be making his 120th appearance for his country, thus passing Jason Leonard's record of 119 tests, which he equalled on Sunday past.

Hooker Adam Freier replaces Al Baxter, with second-rpw Mark Chisholm moving to the back row to allow injured Daniel Heenan a rest.  Coach Connolly explained: "The load has increased on players with the expanded Super 14 season and a longer Test programme so it's a matter of managing players as well as exposing more of the squad to this level."

England Make Wholesale Changes For Second Australian Test

England coach Andy Robinson has made six changes for this Sunday's second test against Australia.  The side which lost 34-3 on Sunday past was always likely to be tinkered with, and given Robinson's tendencies, the fact that 60% of the starting XV from that game have retained their places is actually a surprise.  That Tom Varndell, held by many as being culpable for such a poor showing, has kept his place, is miraculous.

The unlucky men are Tom Voyce and Alex Brown (dropped completely), Lee Mears, Olly Barkley, Louis Deacon and Magnus Lund (all on the bench) as Robinson reshuffles his pack (and his backs).  Those who profit are Jamie Noon (who will play outside centre with Matt Tait moving to the wing), Ben Kay, George Chuter, Andy Goode, Chris Jones and Joe Worsley.  This gives England an all-Leicester front row, with hooker Chuter joining clubmates Graham Rowntree and Julian White.  With Kay and Goode also returning to the side, we can guess who'll get the blame should England lose.

England team to face Australia on Sunday : I Balshaw (Gloucester); T Varndell (Leicester), J Noon (Newcastle), M Catt (London Irish), M Tait (Newcastle); A Goode (Leicester), P Richards (Gloucester); G Rowntree (Leicester), G Chuter (Leicester), J White (Leicester), C Jones (Sale Sharks), B Kay (Leicester), J Worsley (Wasps), L Moody (Leicester), P Sanderson (Worcester, capt)
Replacements: L Mears (Bath), T Payne (Wasps), L Deacon (Leicester), M Lund (Sale Sharks), N Walshe (Bath), O Barkley (Bath), S Abbott (Harlequins)

Gareth Thomas: "Attack, attack, attack"

Welsh captain Gareth Thomas has called for new head coach Gareth Jenkins to permanently adopt the all-out attacking style with which the side ended Sunday's game against Argentina.  Thomas, who as a fan of former Wales skills coach Scott Johnson was considered to be at the forefront of a player-led coup to unseat former coach Mike Ruddock, believes that if the Welsh play attacking rugby for 80 minutes, they will be too strong for the Pumas.

Thomas told the BBC Wales programme Scrum V:  "Wales are fitter and faster, if we go for 80 minutes like we ended the first Test Argentina won't cope."  He went on to praise the new caps Ian Evans and James Hook, singling out Evans' 45-yard run for a try as a reason why attack is the way forward for the Welsh, saying, "There's fitness throughout the team - there aren't many second rows in the world who could do that."

Ireland Name Unchanged Side For Second Test

Irish coach Eddie O'Sullivan has decided to stick with the same XV who ran New Zealand close in Hamilton for this Saturday's test in Auckland.  A space has however been left on the bench due to a doubt over Geordan Murphy's fitness - should Murphy be able to play the spare seat will in all likelihood be given to Denis Hickie.

The All Blacks make three changes, with Jerome Kaino replacing Marty Holah, Casey Laulala coming in in place of Ma'a Nonu, and Troy Flavell, scorer of the decisive try in Hamilton, replacing Jack Rawlinson at lock.

Australia 34 England 3

The optimists among the England support and staff have been quoted as saying that this performance was "encouraging" and that the team did a lot right.  That may be, but let us not be hoodwinked into thinking that this match put Andy Robinson's men anywhere near retaining their World Cup title.  On the pitch where that title was won three years ago, the teams again shared 37 points.  This time, however, Australia took not only the lion's share of those points, but also the polar bear's and the rhino's, leaving England with enough to feed a sickly puppy.

There were some things that England did well.  At the contact area they were competitive, and they put phases together well.  But they've been doing that anyway.  What was lacking before - and still is - is a cutting edge, and unless they find it soon then even a semi-final place in France sounds over-ambitious for England.

It grieves Scrumbag to relate that one of the chief culprits in the English performance was young Tiger Tom Varndell.  His pace and eye for an opening are not in doubt, and he is definitely a quality player.  But given Andy Robinson's propensity for dropping young players on the basis of a single poor performance, it could be a while before he gets another chance to show it.  Yes, he made errors yesterday, but frankly if you were going to drop every player who underperformed in a white shirt yesterday you'd be left with the back row.

The excuse that England were working with a new coaching team and understrength squad is all well and good, until you realise that Australia were playing with an untried front row, were without arguably their best back in Matt Giteau, and had an entirely new coaching staff themselves.  And they murdered England.  But for some poor kicking at goal by Sterling Mortlock, Australia would have passed 40 points.  The one time England crossed the line, Iain Balshaw unforgivably failed to ground the ball, though all credit to the record-equalling George Gregan for his phenomenal tackle.

Aside from Balshaw's moment, England never really looked like scoring a try.  Mike Catt, brought back into the reckoning to unlock the potential of the young backs around him, never really managed to make an impact.  The back three of Balshaw, Voyce and Varndell all under-performed, with Matt Tait an honourable exception.  There will be changes for the Second Test, but whether the gap between the two teams will be among those is open to grave doubt.

Ireland Vs New Zealand Report

In the final analysis of Saturday's encounter, Ireland have done little to shed the reputation of "gallant losers" when it comes to big tests.  Certainly they remain competitive against the world's best teams, but in the aftermath of this match the most encouraging thing was that both captain and coach were not celebrating that they competed, more disappointed that a chance to gain a historic victory had gone begging.

At the start of the match, any thoughts that this would be a close match were quickly dealt a huge blow.  Ireland made a terrible job of taking the opening kick-off, and Mils Mulaina made a quick break up the middle.  Though he was tackled, the ball found its way to Doug Howlett, who with barely a minute on the clock barged over in the corner through a half-hearted Andrew Trimble tackle.  It would have taken a faithful or insane Irish fan to successfully predict what would follow.

Rather than imploding, Ireland rallied, and a clearly rattled Luke McAllister was instrumental in helping them get on the scoreboard.  Two kicks for touch sailed straight out, and a dangerous high tackle was dealt with leniently by ref Stuart Dickinson.  Then a successful Irish scrum saw the ball played to Gordon D'Arcy, and a combination of his wonderful pass and O'Driscoll's expertly-taken line saw the Irish captain in under the posts.  O'Gara's conversion gave Ireland an unlikely lead.  A penalty moments later saw him extend it, and though McAllister fired back with a penalty of his own, two more from O'Gara plus some wonderful defence saw Ireland go in 16-8 up.

After the half-time break, it was inevitable that the All-Blacks would come out determined to put Ireland in their place.  Phases of play were put together, and when Mulaina went over to narrow the margin to one point, the pessimists strapped themselves in for the inevitable.  What they got instead was a committed burst from the Irish, finishing with O'Gara putting Trimble in to extend the lead back to eight points.  At 23-15, it was tempting to believe that this might be Ireland's day.  There was, however, nothing left in the tank as McDonald popped over two more penalties, and O'Gara missed a chance to cancel one of those out with 15 minutes left.  After a further McDonald success, a Nonu break put Troy Flavell over for New Zealand's third, and decisive, try.

To Auckland next Saturday, then.  Let us hope this was not Ireland's big chance.

England Vs Australia Preview

The sword of Damocles hangs over the head of Andy Robinson.  With the RFU choosing to blame his backroom staff for the recent abysmal performances of the England squad, his last excuses were removed one by one.  If England don't front up now ... well, it's the RFU, he'll probably still be in charge for the World Cup, but that's hardly the point.

The media can't even be bothered to trumpet this as a new era.  To be entirely harsh, England failed in the Six Nations because the wrong players were selected by a coach with the poise of a claustrophobic worker bee and a copy of "Inspirational Management for Beginners" written by Iain Duncan Smith.  He travels to Australia with a raft of new coaches and the cries of "Bring back Sir Clive" haunting his every step.  So, what price "The Tour From Hell II - England Sunk Down Under"?

To be charitable, there is significant scope for improvement on this tour.  The team that starts tomorrow features try machines on either wing.  Tom Varndell and Tom Voyce will hope to make a real impression, and possibly gain themselves a joint nickname into the bargain.  Widescreen TVs?  TV Quick?  Who knows?  If the inclusion of Mike Catt and the appointment of Brian Ashton leads to some inspiration behind the scrum, there is pace and power to capitalise. 

The selection of Graham Rowntree and Julian White, who even the most hardened Tigers fan would agree didn't have their best seasons at club level, is a curious one.  These two, along with Bath hooker Lee Mears will need to be on their mettle against an Australian front row that simply can't be as bad as it was in the autumn.  If England win the scrums, then a lot will rest on the shoulders of Gloucester's Peter Richards, making his debut at scrum-half.  He's been given an easy one to start with - his opposite number is the untested, untried, unheralded George Gregan, a novice of only... well, this will be his 119th cap.  Moving him alongside Jason Leonard as the most-capped player ever.

To be fair, England do have a back row to be reckoned with.  Lewis Moody and Magnus Lund provide both skill and steel as well as pace from the flanker positions, with tour captain Pat Sanderson at the base of the scrum.  These three will all need to make telling contributions.

To be fair, though, Australia are a side in transition, and their pack is no great shakes.  An entirely new coaching staff makes its debut on Sunday, and will be feeling the pressure as much as Robinson and his new gang.  I expect Australia to win this one, but only by 5-10 points.