Scrumbag

Danny Cipriani used to date a lingerie model who plays the drums like a gorilla and was once said to have been born a man- should Ashton drop him for it?

First drinking orange juice in a nightclub at midnight and now THIS?

Just as you thought Cirpiani was back on the straight and narrow after "orange juice gate" and "starring on MTV in his pants", this comes out. Apparently Danny used to date a stunning lingerie model Larissa Summers who according to a News of The World exclusive (seemingly a hoax report) used to be a bloke. To make matters worse you can see her playing the drums like a giant ape, which is very embarrassing for 94 year old Sir Brian of Ashton who isn't used to seeing such exciting things.

Oh dear. That's a disgrace! Drop him! Drop! Him! Everyone! Panic! P! A! N! I! C!

Danny Cipriani stars on MTV in his pants - should Ashton drop him for it?

First drinking orange juice in a nightclub at midnight and now THIS? Surely Ashton has to drop him again. No? The Daily Mail have hunted down these embarrassing pictures that could make Danny "a national laughing stock" (you know what they are... like Ashton).

Just as you thought Cirpiani was back on the straight and narrow after "orange juice gate", they've dug up these pics from Danny's past. They're from Cipriani's MTV TV debut when Danny was one of a series of teenage wannabe models who stripped off to strut their stuff on the British version of hit television show My Super Sweet 16. Oh dear. An England star? In his pants? At just 16? That's a disgrace!

Drop him! Drop! Him! Everyone! Panic! P! A! N! I! C!

Just how dangerous is it calling Danny Cipriani rugby's George Best

I'll be first to admit I'm guilty of helping generate it, but the mounting hype surrounding Danny Cipriani is spinning dangerously out of control. I think it's just out of sheer frustration England journos and fans have pegged so much on his shunned shoulders. However perhaps The Times have gone the most over the top - referring to poor Danny as rugby's very own George Best! Oh dear...

Stephen Jones in the Sunday Times wrote: "The [nigh club] incident will probably double the public and media attention and people will worry that rugby has, if in a different key, its own George Best."

Jones views Cipriani as "among the greatest young talents we have ever seen," adding that his axeing from the team for breaking the curfew that had been imposed on the England players has given rise to "a sense of loss, and a sense of let-down - and also concern for Cipriani.

"He is a brilliant talent but you always suspected that there were complications below the surface, perhaps even a dark side, and that his own relentless, driven personality, his supreme dedication, may have an effect, a reaction," Jones writes. "He is also a young man, and because of his life as a precocious young player in academies and rugby scholarships, he is someone who missed out on his teenage wastrel years."

Surely even mentioning the Best and Cipriani names on the same page is asking for trouble. If only I hadn't just gone and done it again!

Sebastien Chabal's "six alternatives" to the Six Nations on Saturday...

Poor Seb. He's probably France's greatest match winner yet he's oddly not going to get a sniff of the action due to France being coached by a mentalist. Here's what else he might get up to...

1) Eating babies
The Sun claim he does it - and when have they ever got their facts wrong?

2) Shopping in Merseyway
Seb of course resides in Stockport, and anyone who's ever been there knows you have just two options. Loiter in Merseyway Shopping Center or die.

3) Stamping on Lawrence Dallagio
They're both out of work on Saturday, so Seb can stamp on him one more time, like the glory days.

4) Weeping into his baguette based lunch
"Why haven't they picked me? Why! Whhhhhhy!" Not sure Seb.

5) Fishing
Could he catch a seabass?

6) Leaping out of his seat to attack the ref / linesman
It'll be like old times Seb, only this time you can't get sent off due to you technically not being a France player.

Will Andy Sheridan's return be the difference for England against France?

Sale's BFG Andy Sheridan may look like the Honey Monster, but he's a formidable talent, and has been much missed by England during his remarkaby short spell out. In my opinion his surprise early return to the game could make a colossal difference and cause all kind of pain for a confused French side.

Big Jason Leonard it seems agrees with me. The Prop legend, speaking in The Sun has said there is more to Sheridan's game than sheer muscle, and he's going to make a big difference. "I think he brings a huge amount of confidence to the English scrum," said Leonard, presumably whilst eating a turkey (whole) and wrestling a bear at the same time (he's that hard). "If he’s on form I don’t think there are many tightheads in the world who can cope with him. His power around the field is important because he’s got a high work-rate as well."

Would you cry at the Tongalese national anthem?

Big Les Vainikolo has revealed he had to choke back the tears as he belted out God Save the Queen before England faced Italy. Odd considering he's from Tonga. I wonder if he wept when he played for New Zealand's Rugby League team when the trumpets started tooting out their anthem.

“I sing the anthem and I have to hold back the tears inside," said Les who seems to love The Queen nearly as much as he loves KFC. “I feel English and am proud to represent the country. The fans have been great to me since I moved over from rugby league. Hopefully, I can repay them and most importantly entertain them.”

So do you believe all this, or do you think Les is just trying to win the fans over after a fairly average debut?

Six Nations shit lookalikes: Lesley Vainikolo and Ralph from The Muppets

One tickles ivories from Kermit, the other spends far too much time in Gloucester's KFC...

Colin Charvis Becomes A Dragon

Former Wales captain Colin Charvis has ended his long search for a new club by signing up for a season with the Newport-Gwent Dragons.  The Dragsons, hampered by an injury to Michael Owen, needed a strong presence in the back row, and Charvis was contemplating retirement after being cut loose by Newcastle.  With Gareth Jenkins remaining tight-lipped on the identity of who will lead his Welsh team, the possibility remains that the Dragons could line up with present and former national captains in their back row this season.

Will Abbott Trade Wasps For Quins?

English champions London Wasps are fearing news that their talented inside centre, Stuart Abbott, is to move away from them and to nearby rivals Harlequins. Quins, who are set for promotion from League One, have had the money freed up to buy Abbott following the retirement of ex-England centre Will Greenwood. According to the London Evening Standard, Abbott has been offered a "once in a lifetime" deal which would make him one of the few players in the premiership to earn over £200,000 per season. However, Wasps don't really want to see Abbott go. Wasps coach Shaun Edwards said:

"It's very disappointing news and I'm surprised by it. I'm surprised anyone would want to leave Wasps. He's been a big part of our squad."

Just how dangerous is it calling Danny Cipriani rugby's George Best

I'll be first to admit I'm guilty of helping generate it, but the mounting hype surrounding Danny Cipriani is spinning dangerously out of control. I think it's just out of sheer frustration England journos and fans have pegged so much on his shunned shoulders. However perhaps The Times have gone the most over the top - referring to poor Danny as rugby's very own George Best! Oh dear...

Stephen Jones in the Sunday Times wrote: "The [nigh club] incident will probably double the public and media attention and people will worry that rugby has, if in a different key, its own George Best."

Jones views Cipriani as "among the greatest young talents we have ever seen," adding that his axeing from the team for breaking the curfew that had been imposed on the England players has given rise to "a sense of loss, and a sense of let-down - and also concern for Cipriani.

"He is a brilliant talent but you always suspected that there were complications below the surface, perhaps even a dark side, and that his own relentless, driven personality, his supreme dedication, may have an effect, a reaction," Jones writes. "He is also a young man, and because of his life as a precocious young player in academies and rugby scholarships, he is someone who missed out on his teenage wastrel years."

Surely even mentioning the Best and Cipriani names on the same page is asking for trouble. If only I hadn't just gone and done it again!

Sebastien Chabal's "six alternatives" to the Six Nations on Saturday...

Poor Seb. He's probably France's greatest match winner yet he's oddly not going to get a sniff of the action due to France being coached by a mentalist. Here's what else he might get up to...

1) Eating babies
The Sun claim he does it - and when have they ever got their facts wrong?

2) Shopping in Merseyway
Seb of course resides in Stockport, and anyone who's ever been there knows you have just two options. Loiter in Merseyway Shopping Center or die.

3) Stamping on Lawrence Dallagio
They're both out of work on Saturday, so Seb can stamp on him one more time, like the glory days.

4) Weeping into his baguette based lunch
"Why haven't they picked me? Why! Whhhhhhy!" Not sure Seb.

5) Fishing
Could he catch a seabass?

6) Leaping out of his seat to attack the ref / linesman
It'll be like old times Seb, only this time you can't get sent off due to you technically not being a France player.

Will Andy Sheridan's return be the difference for England against France?

Sale's BFG Andy Sheridan may look like the Honey Monster, but he's a formidable talent, and has been much missed by England during his remarkaby short spell out. In my opinion his surprise early return to the game could make a colossal difference and cause all kind of pain for a confused French side.

Big Jason Leonard it seems agrees with me. The Prop legend, speaking in The Sun has said there is more to Sheridan's game than sheer muscle, and he's going to make a big difference. "I think he brings a huge amount of confidence to the English scrum," said Leonard, presumably whilst eating a turkey (whole) and wrestling a bear at the same time (he's that hard). "If he’s on form I don’t think there are many tightheads in the world who can cope with him. His power around the field is important because he’s got a high work-rate as well."

Would you cry at the Tongalese national anthem?

Big Les Vainikolo has revealed he had to choke back the tears as he belted out God Save the Queen before England faced Italy. Odd considering he's from Tonga. I wonder if he wept when he played for New Zealand's Rugby League team when the trumpets started tooting out their anthem.

“I sing the anthem and I have to hold back the tears inside," said Les who seems to love The Queen nearly as much as he loves KFC. “I feel English and am proud to represent the country. The fans have been great to me since I moved over from rugby league. Hopefully, I can repay them and most importantly entertain them.”

So do you believe all this, or do you think Les is just trying to win the fans over after a fairly average debut?

Six Nations shit lookalikes: Lesley Vainikolo and Ralph from The Muppets

One tickles ivories from Kermit, the other spends far too much time in Gloucester's KFC...

Colin Charvis Becomes A Dragon

Former Wales captain Colin Charvis has ended his long search for a new club by signing up for a season with the Newport-Gwent Dragons.  The Dragsons, hampered by an injury to Michael Owen, needed a strong presence in the back row, and Charvis was contemplating retirement after being cut loose by Newcastle.  With Gareth Jenkins remaining tight-lipped on the identity of who will lead his Welsh team, the possibility remains that the Dragons could line up with present and former national captains in their back row this season.

Will Abbott Trade Wasps For Quins?

English champions London Wasps are fearing news that their talented inside centre, Stuart Abbott, is to move away from them and to nearby rivals Harlequins. Quins, who are set for promotion from League One, have had the money freed up to buy Abbott following the retirement of ex-England centre Will Greenwood. According to the London Evening Standard, Abbott has been offered a "once in a lifetime" deal which would make him one of the few players in the premiership to earn over £200,000 per season. However, Wasps don't really want to see Abbott go. Wasps coach Shaun Edwards said:

"It's very disappointing news and I'm surprised by it. I'm surprised anyone would want to leave Wasps. He's been a big part of our squad."