Scrumbag

Brian Moore, Will Carling and Ieuan Evans go to the pub to discuss today's huge Six Nations action...

Thanks to Telegraph TV (who knew they did more than papers) for this brilliant preview of today's games. Moore actually seems quite relaxed for once! But what's with all the coffee lads? You're in a pub, you're all retired! Have a Guinness for Christ's sake!

Big fat hairy man in Wales sums up England's Six Nations woe quite aptly...

"There's nothing happening because your Tongan is not getting the ball." Enough said. Click play for the rest of this very funny and cutting Six Nations summary...

Six Nations Predictions: Wales to go down fighting in Ireland...

Whether you're watching the games in a stadium, in the pub, rugby club or plonked on your sofa... there's some mouth watering action coming our way. Here's my predictions for this weekend's action. Let me know if you think I've got it right, or if I'm (as ever) talking out of my hole...

Ireland v Wales,
Saturday, 08 March 2008, 13:15
No doubt the tie of the weekend. I actually fear that off the field rubbish might scupper the Welsh here. The Gatland Vs O'Sullivan sideshow might distract from the players and Shaun Edwards seems more worried about his English Wasps star Cipriani right now. All that added to the Croke roar, and the Irish actually having a few superb players, it might be too much to handle. I'm sure it'll be extremely close, but I just think Ireland might nick it. Sorry guys.

Scotland v England
Sunday, 09 March 2008, 15:15
Will Ashton live to regret this Cipriani mess. Against any side but Scotland, I'd probably say yes. But the Scottish really are poor right now. Can't see anything but a dull England win here.

France v Italy
Sunday, 09 March 2008, 15:00
Expect more French lunacy, but I'm sure no matter how bonkers the team they'll be too much for Italy in France. The question is, will anyone actually care?

So let me know what you think the scores will be...

Is there too much rugby on the BBC?

A big fat 124 old ladies phoned the BBC on Saturday to moan about the three Six Nations matches shown on BBC1 at the weekend. Oddly I think they have a point. With nearly twelve hours of continuous sport shown on the channel, surely it'd be better placed on Sky Sports.

Many rugby fans choose to watch the big matches down their rugby club, in the pub, or LIVE if possible - forcing it down the throats of everyone is pointless. Plus Sky would undoubtedly cover the Six Nations in a far superior way to the Beeb's still trapped in 1992 style.

A BBC statement said: "We are sorry that some viewers felt the BBC1 schedule... contained too much sport. Competition for sports rights has intensified enormously in recent years and since the Six Nations tournament came back to the BBC, there has been a picture of growth in audiences watching our coverage of the sport. This weekend in particular was very exciting for rugby, with the BBC playing host to three Six Nations matches."

Let me know what you think. Is there too much or too little egg chasery on the box?

"We realise that not everyone enjoys watching sport but there is undeniably a large section of our audience who do and as a public service broadcaster, we are obligated to cater for them as and when we can. The audience ratings alone justified our decision to show the three matches, with a combined total of 15 million tuning in."

France coach Lievremont goes completely bonkers with his latest team selection

We all know that Marc "Crazy Frog" Lievremont is not exactly playing with a full deck when it comes to his selection policies, but he has excelled even his own One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest standards of insanity with his latest offering for the Italy match.  It's not that surprising he has made changes after losing to England, given that he has mucked about with a winning team in the first few weeks, but eight players have been given the boot.

Cedric Heymans, Morgan Parra, Thierry Dusautoir, Lionel Faure, Julien Bonnaire, David Marty, David Skrela and William Servat will all be hoping that the door doesn't bang them on the arse on the way out. 

Meanwhile uncapped Fabien Barcella, Yann David, Guilhem Guirado, Julien Tomas and Ibrahim Diarra will join the recalled Imanol Harinordoquy, Yannick Jauzion and Julien Malzieu in Marc's Madhouse of Mirth and Mayhem.

Full squad after the jump...

Forwards: Fabien Barcella (Auch), Jean-Baptiste Poux (Toulouse), Nicolas Mas (Perpignan), Guilhem Guirado (Perpignan), Dimitri Szarzewski (Stade Francais), Lionel Nallet (Castres), Jerome Thion (Biarritz), Pascal Pape (Stade Francais), Ibrahim Diarra (Montauban), Louis Picamoles (Montpellier), Fulgence Ouedraogo (Montpellier), Imanol Harinordoquy (Biarritz)

Backs: Dimitri Yachvili (Biarritz), Julien Tomas (Montpellier), Francois Trinh-Duc (Montpellier), Yannick Jauzion (Toulouse), Damien Traille (Biarritz), Yann David (Bourgoin), Julien Malzieu (Clermont), Anthony Floch (Clermont), Aurelien Rougerie (Clermont), Vincent Clerc (Toulouse)

Portrait of Shane Williams' soul reveals there's not much inside his brain...

Wales star Shane Williams, who scored two tries in Saturday's 47-8 win over Italy, spent his day off havng his portrait done by one of the world's leading artists Andrew Vicari according to the BBC. The picture, some could argue, could have been done better by a drunk 87 year old blind dog. It frankly is "not that good."

"When people sit for me what you see is not so much a passport photograph but it's a portrait of the soul, spouted the Italian brush wiggler. "You want to get something from deep down." So that's Shane's soul? Oh dead, doesn't say much for the speedy Welsher.

Port Talbot-born Vicari, who lives in Monaco, was once court painter to the Saudi Arabian royal family and government and is often described as one of the world's richest living artists. Vicari said Williams was one of his two favourite players to have put on the red jersey of Wales - alongside Barry John.

What was the greatest ever Six Nations try?

John Inverdale wants to know - and who am I to deny such a cold looking fella from finding out...

Wales can't mess their Grand Slam up against Italy... can they?

I hope and pray Wales (pictured) don't go into their Italy game too overly proud about what they've already achieved in this year's Six Nations. A Grand Slam could really be on the cards, and it'd be one of the most unlikely ones of all time, considering the state of the Welsh game at the end of 2007. However if they are not ready to take Italy seriously it will all go wrong. Yes, the Italians are poor, but... they're not that bad and can punish you if you're not on the ball (see England).

Worryingly Wales always seem to struggle a bit against Italy. Over the last five years it’s been honours even between the Azzurri and the Welsh in Six Nations - two victories, and 18-18 draw, and two defeats apiece
This is Italy’s cup final – and history tells us they’re not at all bad at rising to the occasion.

I'm sure Gatland is wily enough to make sure his lads are fired up for this game as if it were a World Cup final versus the All Blacks. But if you think Wales might slip up here, let me know why you think it could happen...

Good Weekend, Bad Weekend: Six Nations round two

Good Weekend
Stephen Jones - Came off the bench to steady the good ship Wales with his mix of authority, calmness and impenetrable accent

Vincent Clerc - Dropped, recalled, hat-trick.  Doubt he'll be dropped again.

Bernard Jackman - A the heart of Ireland's second half turnaround; the Keith Wood-a-like was a raging bull in the loose and clever in tight

Bad Weekend
Danny Cipriani - Media darling and wearer of dodgy headwear; awful kick made England sweat in Rome.

Scotland - I've seen some shit in my time, but this lot at the minute take the biscuit.

Brian O'Driscoll - Rubbish.  Again.

Is Jonny Wilkinson on crack?

The answer to that is most probably no, but something must be muddling the fly-half legend's mind, as he's clearly off his head regarding how he saw England played yesterday.

Jonny Wilkinson described England's display against Italy as "fantastic", but it was anything but that. He's getting a truck load of praise on blogs and in papers this morning for his 1,000 points, and he certainly deserves it - but also, England's second second half fade in a week needs to be looked at.

"Italy are a great side," lied Jonny. "But the guys all chipped in, they were brilliant to a man. We were fantastic." No Jonny, you weren't.

Let me know what you think about England's performance and Jonny's comments. Am I being too harsh, or is Wilks on the loopy juice?

Six Nations Predictions: Wales to go down fighting in Ireland...

Whether you're watching the games in a stadium, in the pub, rugby club or plonked on your sofa... there's some mouth watering action coming our way. Here's my predictions for this weekend's action. Let me know if you think I've got it right, or if I'm (as ever) talking out of my hole...

Ireland v Wales,
Saturday, 08 March 2008, 13:15
No doubt the tie of the weekend. I actually fear that off the field rubbish might scupper the Welsh here. The Gatland Vs O'Sullivan sideshow might distract from the players and Shaun Edwards seems more worried about his English Wasps star Cipriani right now. All that added to the Croke roar, and the Irish actually having a few superb players, it might be too much to handle. I'm sure it'll be extremely close, but I just think Ireland might nick it. Sorry guys.

Scotland v England
Sunday, 09 March 2008, 15:15
Will Ashton live to regret this Cipriani mess. Against any side but Scotland, I'd probably say yes. But the Scottish really are poor right now. Can't see anything but a dull England win here.

France v Italy
Sunday, 09 March 2008, 15:00
Expect more French lunacy, but I'm sure no matter how bonkers the team they'll be too much for Italy in France. The question is, will anyone actually care?

So let me know what you think the scores will be...

Is there too much rugby on the BBC?

A big fat 124 old ladies phoned the BBC on Saturday to moan about the three Six Nations matches shown on BBC1 at the weekend. Oddly I think they have a point. With nearly twelve hours of continuous sport shown on the channel, surely it'd be better placed on Sky Sports.

Many rugby fans choose to watch the big matches down their rugby club, in the pub, or LIVE if possible - forcing it down the throats of everyone is pointless. Plus Sky would undoubtedly cover the Six Nations in a far superior way to the Beeb's still trapped in 1992 style.

A BBC statement said: "We are sorry that some viewers felt the BBC1 schedule... contained too much sport. Competition for sports rights has intensified enormously in recent years and since the Six Nations tournament came back to the BBC, there has been a picture of growth in audiences watching our coverage of the sport. This weekend in particular was very exciting for rugby, with the BBC playing host to three Six Nations matches."

Let me know what you think. Is there too much or too little egg chasery on the box?

"We realise that not everyone enjoys watching sport but there is undeniably a large section of our audience who do and as a public service broadcaster, we are obligated to cater for them as and when we can. The audience ratings alone justified our decision to show the three matches, with a combined total of 15 million tuning in."

France coach Lievremont goes completely bonkers with his latest team selection

We all know that Marc "Crazy Frog" Lievremont is not exactly playing with a full deck when it comes to his selection policies, but he has excelled even his own One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest standards of insanity with his latest offering for the Italy match.  It's not that surprising he has made changes after losing to England, given that he has mucked about with a winning team in the first few weeks, but eight players have been given the boot.

Cedric Heymans, Morgan Parra, Thierry Dusautoir, Lionel Faure, Julien Bonnaire, David Marty, David Skrela and William Servat will all be hoping that the door doesn't bang them on the arse on the way out. 

Meanwhile uncapped Fabien Barcella, Yann David, Guilhem Guirado, Julien Tomas and Ibrahim Diarra will join the recalled Imanol Harinordoquy, Yannick Jauzion and Julien Malzieu in Marc's Madhouse of Mirth and Mayhem.

Full squad after the jump...

Forwards: Fabien Barcella (Auch), Jean-Baptiste Poux (Toulouse), Nicolas Mas (Perpignan), Guilhem Guirado (Perpignan), Dimitri Szarzewski (Stade Francais), Lionel Nallet (Castres), Jerome Thion (Biarritz), Pascal Pape (Stade Francais), Ibrahim Diarra (Montauban), Louis Picamoles (Montpellier), Fulgence Ouedraogo (Montpellier), Imanol Harinordoquy (Biarritz)

Backs: Dimitri Yachvili (Biarritz), Julien Tomas (Montpellier), Francois Trinh-Duc (Montpellier), Yannick Jauzion (Toulouse), Damien Traille (Biarritz), Yann David (Bourgoin), Julien Malzieu (Clermont), Anthony Floch (Clermont), Aurelien Rougerie (Clermont), Vincent Clerc (Toulouse)

Portrait of Shane Williams' soul reveals there's not much inside his brain...

Wales star Shane Williams, who scored two tries in Saturday's 47-8 win over Italy, spent his day off havng his portrait done by one of the world's leading artists Andrew Vicari according to the BBC. The picture, some could argue, could have been done better by a drunk 87 year old blind dog. It frankly is "not that good."

"When people sit for me what you see is not so much a passport photograph but it's a portrait of the soul, spouted the Italian brush wiggler. "You want to get something from deep down." So that's Shane's soul? Oh dead, doesn't say much for the speedy Welsher.

Port Talbot-born Vicari, who lives in Monaco, was once court painter to the Saudi Arabian royal family and government and is often described as one of the world's richest living artists. Vicari said Williams was one of his two favourite players to have put on the red jersey of Wales - alongside Barry John.

What was the greatest ever Six Nations try?

John Inverdale wants to know - and who am I to deny such a cold looking fella from finding out...

Wales can't mess their Grand Slam up against Italy... can they?

I hope and pray Wales (pictured) don't go into their Italy game too overly proud about what they've already achieved in this year's Six Nations. A Grand Slam could really be on the cards, and it'd be one of the most unlikely ones of all time, considering the state of the Welsh game at the end of 2007. However if they are not ready to take Italy seriously it will all go wrong. Yes, the Italians are poor, but... they're not that bad and can punish you if you're not on the ball (see England).

Worryingly Wales always seem to struggle a bit against Italy. Over the last five years it’s been honours even between the Azzurri and the Welsh in Six Nations - two victories, and 18-18 draw, and two defeats apiece
This is Italy’s cup final – and history tells us they’re not at all bad at rising to the occasion.

I'm sure Gatland is wily enough to make sure his lads are fired up for this game as if it were a World Cup final versus the All Blacks. But if you think Wales might slip up here, let me know why you think it could happen...

Good Weekend, Bad Weekend: Six Nations round two

Good Weekend
Stephen Jones - Came off the bench to steady the good ship Wales with his mix of authority, calmness and impenetrable accent

Vincent Clerc - Dropped, recalled, hat-trick.  Doubt he'll be dropped again.

Bernard Jackman - A the heart of Ireland's second half turnaround; the Keith Wood-a-like was a raging bull in the loose and clever in tight

Bad Weekend
Danny Cipriani - Media darling and wearer of dodgy headwear; awful kick made England sweat in Rome.

Scotland - I've seen some shit in my time, but this lot at the minute take the biscuit.

Brian O'Driscoll - Rubbish.  Again.

Is Jonny Wilkinson on crack?

The answer to that is most probably no, but something must be muddling the fly-half legend's mind, as he's clearly off his head regarding how he saw England played yesterday.

Jonny Wilkinson described England's display against Italy as "fantastic", but it was anything but that. He's getting a truck load of praise on blogs and in papers this morning for his 1,000 points, and he certainly deserves it - but also, England's second second half fade in a week needs to be looked at.

"Italy are a great side," lied Jonny. "But the guys all chipped in, they were brilliant to a man. We were fantastic." No Jonny, you weren't.

Let me know what you think about England's performance and Jonny's comments. Am I being too harsh, or is Wilks on the loopy juice?

Six Nations: Rubbish England squeeze past slightly more rubbish Italy

Italy 19 - 23 England

Well that's 80 minutes of my life that I'll never get back.  England managed to win a horrible game with a performance so abysmal that Yoda Ashton will no doubt be hitting the bottle tonight in fear for his job

It started pretty well.  Paul Sackey scored following some nice chip-chase and offload work from Jonny Wilkinson; soon after, Toby Flood ran a loop around the Italian wing to touch down in the corner and a few kicks from Jonny sent England in 20-6 up at the interval.  Then it all fell apart. England lost all their shape and control and Italy chipped away at the lead, winning the second half 13 - 3.  Sound familiar?  At least this week England won; a small comfort given Paris is the next stop on the current train of mediocrity.

There are serious problems to address.  England's forwards, for so long the safety net, look laboured and lacking in any real go forward; at half-back Andy Gomarsall has lost all the spark he found at the World Cup - hardly surprising seeing as he is not even getting a game at Quins.  Ashton said he was "mystified" as to what went wrong in the second half at Twickenham, judging by this it was such a mystery that he is still waiting to solve it. 

At least he has another teeth-scrapingly awful performance to study as he strives to crack it.

Six Nations Predictions: France, Wales Ospreys, and England all to win

Whether you're watching the games in a stadium, in the pub, rugby club or plonked on your sofa... there's some mouth watering action coming our way. Here's my predictions for this weekend's action. Let me know if you think I've got it right, or if I'm (as ever) talking out of my hole...

Saturday, 09 February 2008
France v Ireland (16:00)
Probably the hardest one to call. The French team is full of new faces, and are as injury hit as England. However Ireland, bizarrely aren't the team they were mere months ago. On paper Ireland should win, but they won't. The Frenchies to cruise to victory thanks to home advantage.

Wales Ospreys v Scotland (14:00)
I think half of Wales is still dancing in the street after Ospreys squeezed past England in a shock but brilliantly executed win. With Gatland in control they've certainly got the talent and motivation to power past poor Scotland. Escpecially at home.

Sunday, 10 February 2008
Italy v England (14:30)
The pressure is on. After last week Ashton and Wilkinson can not lose in Rome, or even dare come close to it. Which of course makes defeat all the more likely. Thankfully Italy are pretty dire - if England were playing France or Ireland on Sunday, it could have been a disaster. England to win though.