Scrumbag

Saracens use hovercraft to clear the Vicarage Road snow before their Ospreys clash...

It probably says a lot about me, but my favourite moment of the Heineken Cup weekend was a man dressed as a camel riding a hovercraft to clear some snow. Brilliantly the camel driven hovercraft cleared the snow in a jiffy, but I have so many questions about the whole thing.

1) Just who came up with this idea?

2) How did they know it was going to work?

3) Where do you get a hovercraft from at short notice?

4) How did they get it inside Vicarage Road?

5) Why does that camel wear a fez anyway?

If you know the answer to any (ANY!) of those five questions, please, please, please let me know...

Good Weekend, Bad Weekend – Six Nations round three

Good Weekend
Shane Williams – The little dazzler once again showed why diminutive wingers still have a place in the modern game with his breathtaking performance against Italy.

Jonny Wilkinson – It wasn’t exactly Phil Bennett like in its flair, but nevertheless it was a composed, match-winning performance away from home against a red-hot side.

Simon Webster – Finally crossed the whitewash to give an increasingly dismal Scotland side its first try in sic matches.  They still lost, mind

Bad Weekend
Mark Regan – Called a “clown” by Marc Lievremont; threw terribly in the line-out; penalised for bitch-slapping in a ruck; hauled off after 48 minutes.  Could this be the last we see of him?

Iain Balshaw – Full-back is a fundamentally simple position: you stay back; you catch kicks; you make tackles.  Balshaw cannot do any of these things. 

Eddie O’Sullivan – Despite the win against the woeful Scots, his team still gave away 70% of possession and were about as convincing as David Strettle in a Victor Ubogu look-a-like competition.  On borrowed time as a coach.

Good Weekend, Bad Weekend

Now for a round-up of the weekend's Six Nations games from the point of view of which players will have been happy with their showing, and which ones will be considering swapping lives with Britney Spears round about now.

GOOD WEEKEND

Paul O'Connell - The Irish lock had taken some criticism for what was perceived as a slow start to the championship.  He was back to his brilliant best against England, though, and Scotland and Italy should be forewarned.
David Skrela - For years France have been looking for a fly-half as good as the rest of their backs.  It looks like they may have found him.  Sorry, Freddie.
Alessandro Troncon - Not getting any younger, perhaps, but he led by wonderful example as Italy won away for the first time in a Six Nations game.  Even scored the final, conclusive try to seal things.  Italy have arrived.

BAD WEEKEND

Magnus Lund - He seemed to show immediate regret after taking Girvan Dempsey out in the air, but really shouldn't have been on the field to be substituted at half-time.  Whether it was for his own protection, for his mindset or purely tactical it's hard to say, but it didn't help England as they were annihilated in the forward battle all day long.
Gavin Henson - I know he was out injured, but tradition is important.  Anyway, THESE are the players keeping him out of the Ospreys and Wales XVs?  Blimey.
Phil Godman - He may only have handed Italy one try to Chris Cusiter's two, but it was the first one, it was less than twenty seconds in, and Cusiter's place in the squad (if not the XV) is cement-solid.  A bad error for a rookie to make.

Good Week, Bad Week

Time again for our not-regular-enough round-up of who's had a week to remember and who's had a week they'll be reminded of whether they like it or not.

Good week:
Leicester Tigers  -  A memorable win at Thomond Park showed that they're still Heineken-literate.
Overmach Parma - The Heineken novices made an impression with their win over Borders, showing the likes of Calvisano and Treviso how it's done.
Biarritz Olympique  -  Top of the pile, home quarter final against Northampton.  Your semi-final awaits.

Bad week:
Thomond Park  -  Cheers for nothing.  Invincible, my backside.
Trevor Brennan - 'nuff said.
London Wasps - Well done, you've topped your pool and secured a home quarter-final.  Against Leinster.

Heineken Cup: Good Week, Bad Week

One round of fixtures down, and we know a bit more about how the land lies for this season's Heineken Cup.  So who's come out of it well, and who's had a weekend from hell?

Good Week:

• Irish Provinces:  Which was the most impressive?  Leinster's comfortable downing of the current Guinness Premiership leaders?  Munster's win at Welford Road, an impregnable fortress this last 21 months?  For my money, the best showing came early on Saturday afternoon, as Ulster cut loose and through Andrew Trimble and Isaac Boss absolutely tore Toulouse to shreds.  Toulouse.  As statements of intent go, they don't come much better.  Credit also to the Welsh teams, who all posted victories.
• Ronan O'Gara:  He caught an amazing amount of flak for an interview in which he gave a rallying cry for the Celtic sides to be taken seriously.  Perceived disrespect for the English clubs meant that, had O'Gara missed that last-minute penalty, he'd have been well-advised to avoid England for a few years.  He made it, and can claim vindication.
• Cardiff Blues:  After 11 years of trying, they won one in France.  It may only have been against Bourgoin, but Bourgoin actually tend to make an effort on home soil.  Leicester at home next for the Blues.  If they win that, there's a real chance of a Welsh quarter-finalist, ending the dominance of the Anglo-Franco-Irish axis.

Bad Week

• English Clubs:  Six entrants, one victory.  And that came against the Bourgoin-a-like Castres, from Wasps.  There's every chance that next weekend the momentum will swing back across the Irish Sea, but some teams are one slip-up from likely elimination.
• Paul Burke:  Left Munster for Leicester, and as a consequence was on the losing side yesterday.  The inaccuracy of his kicking was a major factor in the defeat.  Mr Salt, meet Mr Wound.
• Sale Sharks:  Their stated intention, to make more of an impact on the tournament after their campaign fizzled out last year, got off to a poor start at Swansea's Liberty Stadium as the Ospreys beat them narrowly.

Good Weekend, Bad Weekend

Now for a round-up of the weekend's Six Nations games from the point of view of which players will have been happy with their showing, and which ones will be considering swapping lives with Britney Spears round about now.

GOOD WEEKEND

Paul O'Connell - The Irish lock had taken some criticism for what was perceived as a slow start to the championship.  He was back to his brilliant best against England, though, and Scotland and Italy should be forewarned.
David Skrela - For years France have been looking for a fly-half as good as the rest of their backs.  It looks like they may have found him.  Sorry, Freddie.
Alessandro Troncon - Not getting any younger, perhaps, but he led by wonderful example as Italy won away for the first time in a Six Nations game.  Even scored the final, conclusive try to seal things.  Italy have arrived.

BAD WEEKEND

Magnus Lund - He seemed to show immediate regret after taking Girvan Dempsey out in the air, but really shouldn't have been on the field to be substituted at half-time.  Whether it was for his own protection, for his mindset or purely tactical it's hard to say, but it didn't help England as they were annihilated in the forward battle all day long.
Gavin Henson - I know he was out injured, but tradition is important.  Anyway, THESE are the players keeping him out of the Ospreys and Wales XVs?  Blimey.
Phil Godman - He may only have handed Italy one try to Chris Cusiter's two, but it was the first one, it was less than twenty seconds in, and Cusiter's place in the squad (if not the XV) is cement-solid.  A bad error for a rookie to make.

Good Week, Bad Week

Time again for our not-regular-enough round-up of who's had a week to remember and who's had a week they'll be reminded of whether they like it or not.

Good week:
Leicester Tigers  -  A memorable win at Thomond Park showed that they're still Heineken-literate.
Overmach Parma - The Heineken novices made an impression with their win over Borders, showing the likes of Calvisano and Treviso how it's done.
Biarritz Olympique  -  Top of the pile, home quarter final against Northampton.  Your semi-final awaits.

Bad week:
Thomond Park  -  Cheers for nothing.  Invincible, my backside.
Trevor Brennan - 'nuff said.
London Wasps - Well done, you've topped your pool and secured a home quarter-final.  Against Leinster.

Heineken Cup: Good Week, Bad Week

One round of fixtures down, and we know a bit more about how the land lies for this season's Heineken Cup.  So who's come out of it well, and who's had a weekend from hell?

Good Week:

• Irish Provinces:  Which was the most impressive?  Leinster's comfortable downing of the current Guinness Premiership leaders?  Munster's win at Welford Road, an impregnable fortress this last 21 months?  For my money, the best showing came early on Saturday afternoon, as Ulster cut loose and through Andrew Trimble and Isaac Boss absolutely tore Toulouse to shreds.  Toulouse.  As statements of intent go, they don't come much better.  Credit also to the Welsh teams, who all posted victories.
• Ronan O'Gara:  He caught an amazing amount of flak for an interview in which he gave a rallying cry for the Celtic sides to be taken seriously.  Perceived disrespect for the English clubs meant that, had O'Gara missed that last-minute penalty, he'd have been well-advised to avoid England for a few years.  He made it, and can claim vindication.
• Cardiff Blues:  After 11 years of trying, they won one in France.  It may only have been against Bourgoin, but Bourgoin actually tend to make an effort on home soil.  Leicester at home next for the Blues.  If they win that, there's a real chance of a Welsh quarter-finalist, ending the dominance of the Anglo-Franco-Irish axis.

Bad Week

• English Clubs:  Six entrants, one victory.  And that came against the Bourgoin-a-like Castres, from Wasps.  There's every chance that next weekend the momentum will swing back across the Irish Sea, but some teams are one slip-up from likely elimination.
• Paul Burke:  Left Munster for Leicester, and as a consequence was on the losing side yesterday.  The inaccuracy of his kicking was a major factor in the defeat.  Mr Salt, meet Mr Wound.
• Sale Sharks:  Their stated intention, to make more of an impact on the tournament after their campaign fizzled out last year, got off to a poor start at Swansea's Liberty Stadium as the Ospreys beat them narrowly.