Scrumbag

Brian Moore, Will Carling and Ieuan Evans go to the pub to discuss today's huge Six Nations action...

Thanks to Telegraph TV (who knew they did more than papers) for this brilliant preview of today's games. Moore actually seems quite relaxed for once! But what's with all the coffee lads? You're in a pub, you're all retired! Have a Guinness for Christ's sake!

It's squeaky bum time as the French bring back the big guns to try a ruin the Welsh dream

Barking mad France coach Marc Lievremont has found temporary sanity, which is bad news for Wales and their very own bonkers coach Warren Gatland. Baguette chomping loonbag Lievremont has recalled his big guns for Saturday's Six Nations face off against Wales at the Millennium Stadium. I'm sure whoever he picks it couldn't stop Wales winning the Six Nations (and deservedly so), but an all firing France might just deny Wales of the Grand Slam.

Lievremont has made six changes to the starting line-up that defeated Italy 25-13 in Paris last Sunday.
There are recalls for decent Frenchis Clerc and Traille while the half-backs are re-modelled around the experienced Toulouse scrum-half Jean-Baptiste Elissalde and Stade Francais fly-half David Skrela. The baby eating Chabal is of course still out of favour.

Wales are inches away from a second Grand Slam in three years in the match, but France, with three wins and one loss so far, can deprive them of that and the Six Nations title if they win by 20 points or more.

Big fat hairy man in Wales sums up England's Six Nations woe quite aptly...

"There's nothing happening because your Tongan is not getting the ball." Enough said. Click play for the rest of this very funny and cutting Six Nations summary...

Six Nations Predictions: Wales to go down fighting in Ireland...

Whether you're watching the games in a stadium, in the pub, rugby club or plonked on your sofa... there's some mouth watering action coming our way. Here's my predictions for this weekend's action. Let me know if you think I've got it right, or if I'm (as ever) talking out of my hole...

Ireland v Wales,
Saturday, 08 March 2008, 13:15
No doubt the tie of the weekend. I actually fear that off the field rubbish might scupper the Welsh here. The Gatland Vs O'Sullivan sideshow might distract from the players and Shaun Edwards seems more worried about his English Wasps star Cipriani right now. All that added to the Croke roar, and the Irish actually having a few superb players, it might be too much to handle. I'm sure it'll be extremely close, but I just think Ireland might nick it. Sorry guys.

Scotland v England
Sunday, 09 March 2008, 15:15
Will Ashton live to regret this Cipriani mess. Against any side but Scotland, I'd probably say yes. But the Scottish really are poor right now. Can't see anything but a dull England win here.

France v Italy
Sunday, 09 March 2008, 15:00
Expect more French lunacy, but I'm sure no matter how bonkers the team they'll be too much for Italy in France. The question is, will anyone actually care?

So let me know what you think the scores will be...

What has been your favourite Butler and Moore quote of The Six Nations so far?

It hasn't been lost on Scrumbag, or the good people who comment here that Butler and Moore are spiraling out of control on the BBC. Moore is getting so angry I actually fear he might die before the end of the tournament. Especially if the French manage to win another game! Anyway, I'd love to know what has been your favourite (Butler and) Moore moment so far. Here's my top five...

1) Moore roaring "You haaaaalfwit!" during the France game. With French hatred and England dismay combined, there could only be one winner.

2) Moore again. "They've kicked it away again, for God's sake!" in Italy.

3) "You can't have people who are just there for running about, otherwise you just look like Australia." Moore's hatred for the French never fails to amuse.

4) Butler's gentle but effective tutting.

5) "There will be French props in the southwest of France smashing their pastis glassis on each other's heads at the moment." More Moore French hatred.

Nasty French OAP Raphael Ibanez rewarded for player stomping with a big fat new Wasps contract...

Having spent his entire career extremely successfully being a "bit of an arse" Wasps hooker Raphael Ibanez has just got to the end of his latest ban for foul play. He was banned after being found guilty of stamping on Simon Easterby of Llanelli Scarlets.

Brilliantly, to celebrate this Wasps have handed him a big fat juicy one-year contract extension. It'll keep the hooker at the High Wycombe club until the end of the 2008-2009 season. All this despite him already being 35?

The niggly former France captain will also combine his playing duties with a coaching role at the Wasps academy. "I still want some action as a player," croaked Raphael in his thick French accent, "but I am very excited about the opportunity to do some coaching. I had some options to consider from the French Rugby Federation but I need to get some coaching experience first."

So are you pleased to see him hanging around for another season, or were you looking forward to seeing the back of him?

Is there too much rugby on the BBC?

A big fat 124 old ladies phoned the BBC on Saturday to moan about the three Six Nations matches shown on BBC1 at the weekend. Oddly I think they have a point. With nearly twelve hours of continuous sport shown on the channel, surely it'd be better placed on Sky Sports.

Many rugby fans choose to watch the big matches down their rugby club, in the pub, or LIVE if possible - forcing it down the throats of everyone is pointless. Plus Sky would undoubtedly cover the Six Nations in a far superior way to the Beeb's still trapped in 1992 style.

A BBC statement said: "We are sorry that some viewers felt the BBC1 schedule... contained too much sport. Competition for sports rights has intensified enormously in recent years and since the Six Nations tournament came back to the BBC, there has been a picture of growth in audiences watching our coverage of the sport. This weekend in particular was very exciting for rugby, with the BBC playing host to three Six Nations matches."

Let me know what you think. Is there too much or too little egg chasery on the box?

"We realise that not everyone enjoys watching sport but there is undeniably a large section of our audience who do and as a public service broadcaster, we are obligated to cater for them as and when we can. The audience ratings alone justified our decision to show the three matches, with a combined total of 15 million tuning in."

France coach Lievremont goes completely bonkers with his latest team selection

We all know that Marc "Crazy Frog" Lievremont is not exactly playing with a full deck when it comes to his selection policies, but he has excelled even his own One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest standards of insanity with his latest offering for the Italy match.  It's not that surprising he has made changes after losing to England, given that he has mucked about with a winning team in the first few weeks, but eight players have been given the boot.

Cedric Heymans, Morgan Parra, Thierry Dusautoir, Lionel Faure, Julien Bonnaire, David Marty, David Skrela and William Servat will all be hoping that the door doesn't bang them on the arse on the way out. 

Meanwhile uncapped Fabien Barcella, Yann David, Guilhem Guirado, Julien Tomas and Ibrahim Diarra will join the recalled Imanol Harinordoquy, Yannick Jauzion and Julien Malzieu in Marc's Madhouse of Mirth and Mayhem.

Full squad after the jump...

Forwards: Fabien Barcella (Auch), Jean-Baptiste Poux (Toulouse), Nicolas Mas (Perpignan), Guilhem Guirado (Perpignan), Dimitri Szarzewski (Stade Francais), Lionel Nallet (Castres), Jerome Thion (Biarritz), Pascal Pape (Stade Francais), Ibrahim Diarra (Montauban), Louis Picamoles (Montpellier), Fulgence Ouedraogo (Montpellier), Imanol Harinordoquy (Biarritz)

Backs: Dimitri Yachvili (Biarritz), Julien Tomas (Montpellier), Francois Trinh-Duc (Montpellier), Yannick Jauzion (Toulouse), Damien Traille (Biarritz), Yann David (Bourgoin), Julien Malzieu (Clermont), Anthony Floch (Clermont), Aurelien Rougerie (Clermont), Vincent Clerc (Toulouse)

Six Nations video: France 13 - 24 England

Who's in charge of England - Brian Ashton or Phil Vickery?

First up - congratulations to England. The performance against the Frenchies was a 100% improvement, and everyone involved deserves credit for pulling a great result out of the bag under such pressure. However, one big question springs to mind in the wake of the big game. Who's in charge - Vikery or Ashton.

Big Phil apparently demanded Brian Ashton not to take him off in Paris. It was the right decision, but surely one that should have been made by Ashton and not Vickery himself.

After the game 111 year old Ashton croaked, “Phil told me before the game that he did not want to come off for any reason. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was on fire. He had been outstanding with the squad all week and was simply magnificent against France, a great player, a great leader. When you consider he played nearly 40 minutes with severe bruising to the top of his thigh, it speaks volumes for the man.” At, it could be argued about your authority over the team, Brian.

To be fair - Vickery, Sheridan and Jonny Wilks were all superb for Ashton, and Scotland will presumably be quaking in their asthmatic boots. Whether they'll be able to catch Wales though, is another matter. Let me know who you think will end up winning The Six Nations...

Big fat hairy man in Wales sums up England's Six Nations woe quite aptly...

"There's nothing happening because your Tongan is not getting the ball." Enough said. Click play for the rest of this very funny and cutting Six Nations summary...

Six Nations Predictions: Wales to go down fighting in Ireland...

Whether you're watching the games in a stadium, in the pub, rugby club or plonked on your sofa... there's some mouth watering action coming our way. Here's my predictions for this weekend's action. Let me know if you think I've got it right, or if I'm (as ever) talking out of my hole...

Ireland v Wales,
Saturday, 08 March 2008, 13:15
No doubt the tie of the weekend. I actually fear that off the field rubbish might scupper the Welsh here. The Gatland Vs O'Sullivan sideshow might distract from the players and Shaun Edwards seems more worried about his English Wasps star Cipriani right now. All that added to the Croke roar, and the Irish actually having a few superb players, it might be too much to handle. I'm sure it'll be extremely close, but I just think Ireland might nick it. Sorry guys.

Scotland v England
Sunday, 09 March 2008, 15:15
Will Ashton live to regret this Cipriani mess. Against any side but Scotland, I'd probably say yes. But the Scottish really are poor right now. Can't see anything but a dull England win here.

France v Italy
Sunday, 09 March 2008, 15:00
Expect more French lunacy, but I'm sure no matter how bonkers the team they'll be too much for Italy in France. The question is, will anyone actually care?

So let me know what you think the scores will be...

What has been your favourite Butler and Moore quote of The Six Nations so far?

It hasn't been lost on Scrumbag, or the good people who comment here that Butler and Moore are spiraling out of control on the BBC. Moore is getting so angry I actually fear he might die before the end of the tournament. Especially if the French manage to win another game! Anyway, I'd love to know what has been your favourite (Butler and) Moore moment so far. Here's my top five...

1) Moore roaring "You haaaaalfwit!" during the France game. With French hatred and England dismay combined, there could only be one winner.

2) Moore again. "They've kicked it away again, for God's sake!" in Italy.

3) "You can't have people who are just there for running about, otherwise you just look like Australia." Moore's hatred for the French never fails to amuse.

4) Butler's gentle but effective tutting.

5) "There will be French props in the southwest of France smashing their pastis glassis on each other's heads at the moment." More Moore French hatred.

Nasty French OAP Raphael Ibanez rewarded for player stomping with a big fat new Wasps contract...

Having spent his entire career extremely successfully being a "bit of an arse" Wasps hooker Raphael Ibanez has just got to the end of his latest ban for foul play. He was banned after being found guilty of stamping on Simon Easterby of Llanelli Scarlets.

Brilliantly, to celebrate this Wasps have handed him a big fat juicy one-year contract extension. It'll keep the hooker at the High Wycombe club until the end of the 2008-2009 season. All this despite him already being 35?

The niggly former France captain will also combine his playing duties with a coaching role at the Wasps academy. "I still want some action as a player," croaked Raphael in his thick French accent, "but I am very excited about the opportunity to do some coaching. I had some options to consider from the French Rugby Federation but I need to get some coaching experience first."

So are you pleased to see him hanging around for another season, or were you looking forward to seeing the back of him?

Is there too much rugby on the BBC?

A big fat 124 old ladies phoned the BBC on Saturday to moan about the three Six Nations matches shown on BBC1 at the weekend. Oddly I think they have a point. With nearly twelve hours of continuous sport shown on the channel, surely it'd be better placed on Sky Sports.

Many rugby fans choose to watch the big matches down their rugby club, in the pub, or LIVE if possible - forcing it down the throats of everyone is pointless. Plus Sky would undoubtedly cover the Six Nations in a far superior way to the Beeb's still trapped in 1992 style.

A BBC statement said: "We are sorry that some viewers felt the BBC1 schedule... contained too much sport. Competition for sports rights has intensified enormously in recent years and since the Six Nations tournament came back to the BBC, there has been a picture of growth in audiences watching our coverage of the sport. This weekend in particular was very exciting for rugby, with the BBC playing host to three Six Nations matches."

Let me know what you think. Is there too much or too little egg chasery on the box?

"We realise that not everyone enjoys watching sport but there is undeniably a large section of our audience who do and as a public service broadcaster, we are obligated to cater for them as and when we can. The audience ratings alone justified our decision to show the three matches, with a combined total of 15 million tuning in."

France coach Lievremont goes completely bonkers with his latest team selection

We all know that Marc "Crazy Frog" Lievremont is not exactly playing with a full deck when it comes to his selection policies, but he has excelled even his own One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest standards of insanity with his latest offering for the Italy match.  It's not that surprising he has made changes after losing to England, given that he has mucked about with a winning team in the first few weeks, but eight players have been given the boot.

Cedric Heymans, Morgan Parra, Thierry Dusautoir, Lionel Faure, Julien Bonnaire, David Marty, David Skrela and William Servat will all be hoping that the door doesn't bang them on the arse on the way out. 

Meanwhile uncapped Fabien Barcella, Yann David, Guilhem Guirado, Julien Tomas and Ibrahim Diarra will join the recalled Imanol Harinordoquy, Yannick Jauzion and Julien Malzieu in Marc's Madhouse of Mirth and Mayhem.

Full squad after the jump...

Forwards: Fabien Barcella (Auch), Jean-Baptiste Poux (Toulouse), Nicolas Mas (Perpignan), Guilhem Guirado (Perpignan), Dimitri Szarzewski (Stade Francais), Lionel Nallet (Castres), Jerome Thion (Biarritz), Pascal Pape (Stade Francais), Ibrahim Diarra (Montauban), Louis Picamoles (Montpellier), Fulgence Ouedraogo (Montpellier), Imanol Harinordoquy (Biarritz)

Backs: Dimitri Yachvili (Biarritz), Julien Tomas (Montpellier), Francois Trinh-Duc (Montpellier), Yannick Jauzion (Toulouse), Damien Traille (Biarritz), Yann David (Bourgoin), Julien Malzieu (Clermont), Anthony Floch (Clermont), Aurelien Rougerie (Clermont), Vincent Clerc (Toulouse)

Six Nations video: France 13 - 24 England

Who's in charge of England - Brian Ashton or Phil Vickery?

First up - congratulations to England. The performance against the Frenchies was a 100% improvement, and everyone involved deserves credit for pulling a great result out of the bag under such pressure. However, one big question springs to mind in the wake of the big game. Who's in charge - Vikery or Ashton.

Big Phil apparently demanded Brian Ashton not to take him off in Paris. It was the right decision, but surely one that should have been made by Ashton and not Vickery himself.

After the game 111 year old Ashton croaked, “Phil told me before the game that he did not want to come off for any reason. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was on fire. He had been outstanding with the squad all week and was simply magnificent against France, a great player, a great leader. When you consider he played nearly 40 minutes with severe bruising to the top of his thigh, it speaks volumes for the man.” At, it could be argued about your authority over the team, Brian.

To be fair - Vickery, Sheridan and Jonny Wilks were all superb for Ashton, and Scotland will presumably be quaking in their asthmatic boots. Whether they'll be able to catch Wales though, is another matter. Let me know who you think will end up winning The Six Nations...

Do you think Mark Regan is a clown?

Mentalist Marc Lievremont has taken a pot and kettle approach to England hooker Mark Regan by calling Ronnie a "grotesque clown". What do you think?

Hey Hey! England win in Paris

A superb forwards performance by England has secured a great win against a French team that after two weeks of mentalist try-scoring crumpled like a cheap concertina.  Ashton's boys finally managed to remember that I have to keep on playing in the second half.

"We played two half-games (against Wales and Italy) and we needed to put in an 80-minute performance," the 137-year-old coach said.  "I never had any doubts that they could produce a performance like that."  He refused to comment on where Iain Balshaw's comedy display ranked on the shit-barometer.

Have England finally got their act together?  Let us know.