Scrumbag

Dream fifteens: Dogs

We all love a dog, but which of the canine world would thrive is a rugby team.  Read on to find out.

1.        Bull Mastiff – Strong, powerful, ugly: all the hallmarks of a good prop

2.        Staffordshire Bull Terrier – With a heart the size of a London bus, plus pace and durability, the stocky little monster is a shoo-in.

3.        St Bernard – An awesome powerhouse. Added bonus of having some brandy round its neck should it be at a loose end at the bottom of a ruck, or waiting for a penalty to be kicked.

4.        Irish Wolfhound – Tall and wiry.  Plus the Irish are always good at line-outs.

5.        Great Dane – Huge.  Has a running style akin to a load of broom-handles tied together and thrown down some stairs.  Not unlike Ben Kay.

6.        Rottweiller – Nails, lack of pace will see him in the second wave. You’d better pray the first wave gets you.

7.        Lurcher – Scruffy, pacy psycho of questionable heritage and mental state.

8.        German Shepherd – Exudes authority and calm at the base of the scrum, the natural choice as captain due to high skill set and pointy ears.

9.        Jack Russell Terrier – Small, quick, irritating, mental, never shuts up.

10.        Border Collie – has everything required of an outside-half: brains; speed; and vast experience of herding brainless animals around a field.

11.        Whippet – Gives up a bit in bulk, but deadly speed and finishing

12.        Siberian Husky – renowned for its abilities of escaping from yards, catching small animals, and often figuring out own numerous inventive ways of doing both.  Unlocking a blitz defence should be no problem.

13.        Doberman – Quick mind and decent pace.  Docked tail leaves less for scrambling defences to tackle

14.        Afghan Hound -  Foppish looking, but with extreme pace; not unlike Aurelien Rougerie.

15.       Greyhound – Can pick its time to open up its legs and hit the perfect running line, i.e. one with a mechanical rabbit in it, at immense speed.

Dream XV #3

The third entry in my 'Deam Fifteens' series. This one, inspired by commenter Annie, is...

The 'Be Still My Beating Heart' XV...

Backs to begin as always.

Well I am a girl!

Fullback: Josh Lewsey (Wasps and England)
This isn't the best photograph of Mr. Lewsey, so please be assured I haven't lost my mind. He's usually absolutely gorgeous, all chisled features and strong jawlines. It would appear the advertising world agree, as Josh has been seen promoting... well... everything in recent weeks. A natural selection.

Right Wing: Geordan Murphy (Leicester Tigers and Ireland)
Okay. I'm married to an Irishman and I tend to develop minor crushes on Ireland players, generally after I hear them speak in an interview. Yep, I'm a sucker for the Irish accent. Geordan has a beautiful lilting accent that I could listen to 24/7 and not bad features to go with it.

Outside Centre: Brian O'Driscoll (Leinster and Ireland)
Now, this is a bit of a long story, but I keep being told to keep this blog 'personal' so here goes. In 2001, I bought a copy of the Lions behind-the-scenes DVD 'Up Close and Personal'. Until then, I'd just known Mr. O'Driscoll as an incredibly talented man and hadn't really thought about it anymore than that. However, on said DVD, he is shown saying - and I quote - "I'm playing fullback am I? Oh dear". Now something about the way he said it (and I admit it might just be an accent thing again) made me and my best rugby mate Naomi take a second look and... well... we've been a tad obsessed with him since. Gorgeous boy.

Inside Centre: Gordan D'Arcy (Leinster and Ireland)
This is a very recent addition to my list of attractive players. Have you seen this man in the Six Nations?! He's looking absolutely ruggedly gorgeous. What an admirable centre partnership; it makes Ireland games all the more watchable (and I can focus on these two and block my husband out when he's getting over-emotional and cheering loud enough to scare the cats).

Left Wing: Tom Varndell (Leicester Tigers and England)
A newcomer to my team who's gradually working his way up both in rugby terms and in terms of looks. He also seems to be rather intelligent as well, a novelty for backs (ooof. Can I get away with that? Oh well, too late).

Fly Half: Carlos Spencer (Northampton Saints and ex-New Zealand)
He's rugged. He's handsome. He's arrogant and we like that. Big sigh over Carlos, the only good thing to come out of New Zealand since Josh Kronfeld (he'll be making an appearance later).

Scrum Half: Andy Gomarsall (Worcester Warriors and England-ish)
You may be beginning to understand the 'type' of bloke I fancy - rugged, long hair, nice eyes, nice smile. Andy fits the mold perfectly.

Forwards (boy, that's going to be tough!) to follow soon.

Dream XV #2 Part 2: The Forwards

The continuation of my rundown of the biggest and scariest blokes in rugby, from numbers one to eight...

LooseHead Prop: Gethin Jenkins (Blues and Wales)
Big, scary and powerful. What more do I need to say?

Hooker: Keven Mealamu (New Zealand)
Selected for exactly the same reason as his spear-tackling friend, Tana Umaga. Nasty piece of work.

Tighthead Prop: Julian White (Leicester Tigers and England)
An excellent and devoted scrummager, Julian is also well known for his confrontational style around the pitch and has been involved in more than one punch up this season. An immediate selection for this special team.

Lock: Danny Grewcock (Bath and England)
He plays hard. He bites. He stamps. He's all-round scary Danny!

Lock: Martin Johnson (Now Retired)
He's not been playing for awhile, but the memory of Johnson's intimidating and brilliant style of play lives on. That, and he's 6"7, so I'd rather stay in his good books.

Blindside Flanker: Serge Betsen (France)
Anyone who saw what he did to Jonny Wilkinson in the 2002 Six Nations will thoroughly understand this selection.

Openside Flanker: Lewis Moody (Tigers and England)
Considering the way Lewis seems to react to some wrong-doing on a mate of his, I think I'd rather spill Lewis' own pint than one belonging to a friend of his. Scary raining of blows on Leicester teammate Alex Tuilagi during England's match against Samoa in the Autumn convinces me he deserves his place in this team.

Number Eight: Lawrence Dallaglio (Wasps and England)
I have long held the belief that Dallaglio is something of a dirty player, though I know some would disagree. However, he's definitely a hard, confrontational kind of bloke and thus deserves his place in my starting line up.

Dream XV #2

Yet another new section added to the general working week of Scrumbag: Dream XVs. We've already had the best and worst hair cuts in rugby, so my next imaginary dream XV is...

The 'You Wouldn't Want To Spill His Pint' XV.

Starting with the backs as always.

Fullback: Josh Lewsey (London Wasps and England)
I doubt anyone who saw it will ever forget Josh Lewsey's bone-crunching tackle on Mat Rogers of Australia in the summer of 2003. One would imagine Rogers will go through the rest of his life with a Josh-shaped bruise on his torso. For that tackle alone, Josh is our selection at fullback as I wouldn't want to get him angry.

Right Wing: Jonah Lomu (Cardiff Blues and ex-New Zealand)
Now come on. Anyone with any sense wouldn't mess with the big New Zealander when he's in a mood. In fact, even if he's in a great mood, I still wouldn't want to spill his pint or even breathe annoyingly - best not to set him off, eh?

Outside Centre: Tana Umaga (Hurricanes and ex-New Zealand)
If he can do THAT tackle to Brian O'Driscoll, I wouldn't want to meet him down a dark alley any time soon.

Left Wing: Wendell Sailor (Australia)
Tackling may not be his forte (and it never tends to be from league converts) but he's big and my husband is scared of him. Nuff said.

Fly Half: Andy Goode (Leicester Tigers and England)
Nothing particularly big or scary about Andy, but with that kind of power behind his kicking? Avoid making him angry at all costs.

Scrum Half: Justin Marshall (Leeds Tykes and ex-New Zealand)
It's difficult trying to find a big and imposing scrum half, so I've instead opted for an outspoken little oik. You wouldn't want to make him angry or he might just talk you to death.

Dream XV #2 Part 2: The Forwards

The continuation of my rundown of the biggest and scariest blokes in rugby, from numbers one to eight...

LooseHead Prop: Gethin Jenkins (Blues and Wales)
Big, scary and powerful. What more do I need to say?

Hooker: Keven Mealamu (New Zealand)
Selected for exactly the same reason as his spear-tackling friend, Tana Umaga. Nasty piece of work.

Tighthead Prop: Julian White (Leicester Tigers and England)
An excellent and devoted scrummager, Julian is also well known for his confrontational style around the pitch and has been involved in more than one punch up this season. An immediate selection for this special team.

Lock: Danny Grewcock (Bath and England)
He plays hard. He bites. He stamps. He's all-round scary Danny!

Lock: Martin Johnson (Now Retired)
He's not been playing for awhile, but the memory of Johnson's intimidating and brilliant style of play lives on. That, and he's 6"7, so I'd rather stay in his good books.

Blindside Flanker: Serge Betsen (France)
Anyone who saw what he did to Jonny Wilkinson in the 2002 Six Nations will thoroughly understand this selection.

Openside Flanker: Lewis Moody (Tigers and England)
Considering the way Lewis seems to react to some wrong-doing on a mate of his, I think I'd rather spill Lewis' own pint than one belonging to a friend of his. Scary raining of blows on Leicester teammate Alex Tuilagi during England's match against Samoa in the Autumn convinces me he deserves his place in this team.

Number Eight: Lawrence Dallaglio (Wasps and England)
I have long held the belief that Dallaglio is something of a dirty player, though I know some would disagree. However, he's definitely a hard, confrontational kind of bloke and thus deserves his place in my starting line up.

Dream XV #2

Yet another new section added to the general working week of Scrumbag: Dream XVs. We've already had the best and worst hair cuts in rugby, so my next imaginary dream XV is...

The 'You Wouldn't Want To Spill His Pint' XV.

Starting with the backs as always.

Fullback: Josh Lewsey (London Wasps and England)
I doubt anyone who saw it will ever forget Josh Lewsey's bone-crunching tackle on Mat Rogers of Australia in the summer of 2003. One would imagine Rogers will go through the rest of his life with a Josh-shaped bruise on his torso. For that tackle alone, Josh is our selection at fullback as I wouldn't want to get him angry.

Right Wing: Jonah Lomu (Cardiff Blues and ex-New Zealand)
Now come on. Anyone with any sense wouldn't mess with the big New Zealander when he's in a mood. In fact, even if he's in a great mood, I still wouldn't want to spill his pint or even breathe annoyingly - best not to set him off, eh?

Outside Centre: Tana Umaga (Hurricanes and ex-New Zealand)
If he can do THAT tackle to Brian O'Driscoll, I wouldn't want to meet him down a dark alley any time soon.

Left Wing: Wendell Sailor (Australia)
Tackling may not be his forte (and it never tends to be from league converts) but he's big and my husband is scared of him. Nuff said.

Fly Half: Andy Goode (Leicester Tigers and England)
Nothing particularly big or scary about Andy, but with that kind of power behind his kicking? Avoid making him angry at all costs.

Scrum Half: Justin Marshall (Leeds Tykes and ex-New Zealand)
It's difficult trying to find a big and imposing scrum half, so I've instead opted for an outspoken little oik. You wouldn't want to make him angry or he might just talk you to death.