Scrumbag

Just when you thought the rules of rugby couldn't get more confusing... in comes "the white card"

I've seen red, yellow, orange, blue and green cards before, and have little idea what most of them do. But now some important bald men in South Africa want to introduce a "white card" into the game.

Apparently, "The white card innovation allows captains to challenge a decision by the referee, who will then refer the matter to the television match official." Sounds bonkers? Well it is.

Each captain may lodge one appeal in each half by showing a white card. Where they keep this white card nobody seems to know. As if that wasn't confusing enough, the rules continue with more lunacy. "If the television match official rules that the referee made a mistake or that the referee overlooked an infringement, the captain will have another one chance to use the white card in that half."

Next week: we'll be introducing the taupe card (wave the taupe card and it cancels the daft action of the white card).

Saracens use hovercraft to clear the Vicarage Road snow before their Ospreys clash...

It probably says a lot about me, but my favourite moment of the Heineken Cup weekend was a man dressed as a camel riding a hovercraft to clear some snow. Brilliantly the camel driven hovercraft cleared the snow in a jiffy, but I have so many questions about the whole thing.

1) Just who came up with this idea?

2) How did they know it was going to work?

3) Where do you get a hovercraft from at short notice?

4) How did they get it inside Vicarage Road?

5) Why does that camel wear a fez anyway?

If you know the answer to any (ANY!) of those five questions, please, please, please let me know...

Wedding Crasher Olly Barkley gets his date in court

Naughty bloke / exceptional egg chaser Oliver Barkley has just received a date for his trial. Barkley (very allegedly) had a scuffle at a wedding and attacked a Sky Sports TV producer. Presumably it was over their sloppy Heineken Cup coverage.

The 26-year-old Bath fly half, who will transfer to Gloucester this summer, appeared before a crown court judge on Thursday, charged with one count of assault occasioning actual bodily harm.

Apparently "Dressed in a smart black suit, Barkley spoke only to confirm his name, age and address, and to enter a "not guilty" plea." Prosecuter Nigel Ogborne and defence barrister Dean Armstrong agreed to a three-day trial to begin on August 20. Pop it in you're diary if you're into that kind of thing.

England in "players manage not to be injured" shock

The weekend is over and Brian Ashton is no doubt making Scrumbag his first click to find out if any of his players are fit after playing for their clubs.  So, for Brian and for you lovely readers here is the news.

The Newcastle contingent of Flood, Tait and Wilkinson not only managed to beat Saracens but also to avoid pulling, tearing, spraining or splintering any part of their bodies.  Jamie Noon on the other hand didn't play as his leg is a bit twanged.  Unfortunately he looks likely to be fit for England, meaning his mediocre lumbering could be keeping another actual talent out of the jersey this coming Six Nations weekend.

Other news of note is that Shane Geraghty had to leave the field after 30 minutes of London Irish's win over Leicester; a half-hour in which he carved open the Tigers defence almost at will.   No matter, though, as Toby Flood would still play ahead of him - for reasons I am yet to fathom.

Finally, the really bad news is that Iain Balshaw came through unscathed.

Wedding Crasher Olly Barkley gets his date in court

Naughty bloke / exceptional egg chaser Oliver Barkley has just received a date for his trial. Barkley (very allegedly) had a scuffle at a wedding and attacked a Sky Sports TV producer. Presumably it was over their sloppy Heineken Cup coverage.

The 26-year-old Bath fly half, who will transfer to Gloucester this summer, appeared before a crown court judge on Thursday, charged with one count of assault occasioning actual bodily harm.

Apparently "Dressed in a smart black suit, Barkley spoke only to confirm his name, age and address, and to enter a "not guilty" plea." Prosecuter Nigel Ogborne and defence barrister Dean Armstrong agreed to a three-day trial to begin on August 20. Pop it in you're diary if you're into that kind of thing.

England in "players manage not to be injured" shock

The weekend is over and Brian Ashton is no doubt making Scrumbag his first click to find out if any of his players are fit after playing for their clubs.  So, for Brian and for you lovely readers here is the news.

The Newcastle contingent of Flood, Tait and Wilkinson not only managed to beat Saracens but also to avoid pulling, tearing, spraining or splintering any part of their bodies.  Jamie Noon on the other hand didn't play as his leg is a bit twanged.  Unfortunately he looks likely to be fit for England, meaning his mediocre lumbering could be keeping another actual talent out of the jersey this coming Six Nations weekend.

Other news of note is that Shane Geraghty had to leave the field after 30 minutes of London Irish's win over Leicester; a half-hour in which he carved open the Tigers defence almost at will.   No matter, though, as Toby Flood would still play ahead of him - for reasons I am yet to fathom.

Finally, the really bad news is that Iain Balshaw came through unscathed.