Scrumbag

Disaster strikes as Wales Ospreys coach Warren Gatland is forced to play a Cardiff player against Scotland...

The Wales Ospreys side has been named for Saturday's tie against Scotland.

Tragically for Warren Gatland his devilishly handsome lock Alun-Wyn Jones will miss Saturday's match. To make matters worse Gatland has had no spare Ospreys locks to call up and has been left with no option but to call up Cardiff Blues lock Deiniol Jones as a replacement.

"Deiniol has been in good form for the Blues this season and deserves his chance," Wales Ospreys forwards coach Robin McBryde said in a tearful WRU ORU statement. For the full Wales Ospreys team click continue reading...

15-Lee Byrne,
14-Jamie Roberts,
13-Tom Shanklin,
12-Gavin Henson,
11-Shane Williams,
10-James Hook,
9-Mike Phillips,
8-Ryan Jones (captain),
7-Martyn Williams,
6-Jonathan Thomas,
5-Ian Evans,
4-Ian Gough,
3-Adam Jones,
2-Huw Bennett,
1-Duncan Jones.

Replacements: 16-Matthew Rees, 17-Gethin Jenkins, 18-Deiniol Jones, 19-Gareth Delve, 20-Dwayne Peel, 21-Stephen Jones, 22-Sonny Parker

Ulster ask for proof in race row

Ulster Rugby have reacted to a complaint of racial abuse from Dragons wing Aled Brew by asking for further evidence to back up the reports.  UR chief executive Michael Reid said:  "We've spent a lot of time looking through a lot of tapes today and yesterday.  But at the moment, there's no clear evidence of anything taking place.  We've also talked to the stewards at the ground, the touch judges that were there and things are very unclear and unproven.  The one concern obviously is that is an individual said something that we're not aware of.  I've tried to get the Dragons down to specifics as to where it took place and when it took place."

Having checked out the Ulster Rugby Fans' Forum it seems the Ravenhill faithful believe Brew to have misheard a chant from the stands.  In a similar case a few months back, Ulster lock Matt McCullough was cleared of making a racist comment to London Irish's Delon Armitage when a remark made by McCullough was misinterpreted by the Exiles wing.  This is not to say, however, that Brew's complaint might not pertain to a separate remark made by a lone, cretinous individual.  Should this be the case, Ulster Rugby have promised to deal with the individual in the appropriate manner.

Ospreys beset by fly-half worries

The Ospreys are counting the cost of having Brent Cockbain on their books again, as a collision with the giant lock has deprived them of the services of starting fly-half Shaun Connor for up to six weeks.  With a couple of weeks between now and their next Magners League clash against Edinburgh, the Ospreys will be hoping for the return of Matthew Jones from injury.  Failing that, they will hope that James Hook might be freed from international responsibilities for a week, or that Gavin Henson stops being so laughably inept.

An un-named Scrumbag representative said "In no way was this story chosen in order to have another sneaky pop at Gavin Henson, and quite frankly I am aghast at any claims that it was."  Olly Barkley's hair was unavailable for comment.

Magners League weekend preview

Just because the Ireland players are sat at home sulking about last weekend, the Wales players are all crying into their pints and the Scotland players are dancing a (very boring) jig, does not mean there is not serious business to attend to in their league..

Borders v Munster - the worst team in the world league welcome their Irish visitors with about as much hope of getting a result as the non-dart player on Bullseye firing a 180.  Even with their Ireland squad absences meaning Frankie Sheahan, 72, is back at hooker this should be a simple win for the province.

Glasgow v Llanelli Scarlets - A mid-table bore-fest if ever there was one. Glasgow are welcoming back a large contingent of their Scotland players whilst the Scarlets are fielding their second string so expect a home win, even with Dan 'Kick It!" Parks orchestrating.

Leinster v Edinburgh - High flying Leinster are without their Ireland players, which is basically two-thirds of their first team,  however with third place Edinburgh in roughly the same boat this game game could spring a surprise or two.  Expect Leinster to win, but not by as much as the 39 points last time

Ospreys v Connacht - Gav the Chav has been ruled out for the Ospreys, but they do welcome back Shane Williams and fair dinkum Welshman Brent Cockbain.  Connacht of course beat the Ospreys (along with plenty others) earlier this season in Galway, but it's hard to see it happening here.

Ulster v Newport-Gwent D'gons -  Ulster entertain their Welsh vistors at fortress Ravenhill  with a strong line-up, haveing seen most of their Ireland players allowed to return.  The Dragons have the experienced half-back partnership of Ceri Sweeney and Gareth Cooper to call upon.  Expect an Ulster win at home.

Shane Jennings returns to Leinster

Irish flanker Shane Jennings will return to Leinster from Leicester Tigers at the end of the season.  The Ireland international, who made the move to Welford Road in 2005, has been an irregular starter for the Premiership team since that move, and will rejoin a back row that is beginning to look very solid, with Keith Gleeson and Jamie Heaslip already in situ.

 

Tigers coach Pat Howard, who will himself depart the club at the end of this season, paid tribute to the player:  "It is a great disappointment that Shane is heading back to Leinster.  For both his family situation and current Ireland selection policy, I do understand. He has had two fantastic years here on and off the field and he will be missed."

Magners League Previews: Week One

Yes, oh yes, saints be praised, the new season starts tonight!  Guinness Premiership matches tomorrow, but tonight the newly-titled Magners League gets underway, and not a second before time.  In fact, picture if you will a lone man crossing a barren desert.  He's on the brink of dehydration, a broken man, with heat exhaustion taking its toll.  Suddenly, he sees a bar in the middle distance.  He can hear Pogues songs belting from the jukebox, sees beautiful red-haired girls dancing on the terrace, and best of all, a sign hangs from the frontage of the pub.  That sign has on it just one word:  Magners.  Or Bulmers if the desert is in Ireland.  Which is unlikely.

Anyway, I digress.  For that man?  That man, dear reader, is me.  That desert is the summer.  And that bar is the new season.  I'm not sure who the girls are, it's frankly not a great metaphor, but then, I'm not a very good writer.  [Paul Kelly]

So here, finally, are our first match previews.

Cardiff Blues vs Munster, Tonight 7.10 pm

Cardiff select a strong side for the first kick-off of the Magners League at the Arms Park this evening.  Munster's announced selection is something of a second-string, captained by John Kelly.  This is due to a four-game recovery period for the Irish internationals after the summer tour, which robs Munster of an entire pack.  The home side features several internationals.  New signings Mosese Luveitasau and Tufa'ao Filise are in the XV, and international half-back partnership Mike Phillips and Nick Robinson start, with Martyn Williams returning in the back row and Tom Shanklin making the bench after ten months out injured.  Munster's XV features a strong back five.  Christian Cullen starts, having recovered from a niggling back injury.  His new, performance related contract is designed to show his intention to repay the faith of Munster's fans.  Regulars Shaun Payne, Ian Dowling and John Kelly join him in the backs, while Frankie Sheahan makes his return from long-term injury at hooker.  New signing Chris Wyatt joins youngster Donnacha Ryan in the second row.

Borders vs Connacht, Tonight 7.30 pm

Connacht play this away game before a run of six at home.  A win tonight, therefore, would put them very much on the right track.  They'll need to work for it, though, as Chris Cusiter returns to action for Borders.  Newbies Craig Hamilton and Stuart Grimes bolster the home lineout, while Brett Wilkinson and Adrian Flavin are Connacht's new blood, both front-rowers.  The Scots will begin as favourites, but Connacht used to make a habit of springing surprises.  If they can get back into that habit, an intriguing season awaits.

Glasgow vs Dragons, Tonight 7.30 pm

Both teams start the season with injury and fitness problems, missing five players each - so whoever wins tonight can be confident that, with players to come back, they can be positive about the season ahead. Rory Lamont, Scott Lawson, John Beattie, Ben Prescott and Colin White miss out for Glasgow, while the Dragons miss Gareth Cooper, Michael Owen, Kevin Morgan, Luke Charteris and Paul Emerick.  Back-row Colin Charvis, meanwhile, must be content with a spot on the bench.  Both sides are still capable of fielding a few internationals though, with Glasgow able to boast an international half-back pairing in Dan Parks and Sam Pinder.  That, along with home advantage, leads me to back Glasgow for this contest.

Ospreys vs Edinburgh, Tomorrow 5.30 pm

New men Lee Byrne, Tal Selley and Justin Marshall all start in an interesting attack for the Ospreys, with Sonny Parker returning from injury to partner Gavin Henson in the centre.  Perhaps the biggest boost for the Welsh side, though, comes with the return of Ryan Jones to the back row.  A phenomenally gifted player, Jones was a big miss for both club and country last season, and if he returns to even 75% of the form he was at before his injury, he'll be a precious asset.  The Gunners are pretty handy in attack themselves, with more than half of Scotland's backs among their starting seven.  Simon Taylor is out through injury, and more shockingly, grass is green.  Ospreys should probably win this, but should and will are different things.

Ulster vs Scarlets, Tomorrow 7.30 pm

Champions Ulster close out the weekend, with a home clash against the Scarlets tomorrow night.  David Humphreys is passed fit to start, which is good news for a home side without their Irish internationals.  So Humphreys partners Keiran Campbell in the half-backs, and Paddy Wallace moves back into the centre in the absence of Andrew Trimble.  Despite Neil Best's absence, the back row still looks handy, with Roger Wilson and Stephen Ferris both very useful, and Keiran Dawson available from the bench.  For the Scarlets, Stephen Jones and Dwayne Peel reprise their ever-popular international partnership, and a debut is given to second-row Lou Reed.  If he scores the winning try, it'll be a Perfect Day for him, ha ha ha ha ha.  What?

Magners League Preview: Ulster

Last year's Celtic League champions, and the last team to win the title under that name, Ulster have a lot to live up to this season.  With the 05/06 season seeing more Ulster players than usual in the Ireland squad (ie. more than one), interest in their games increased hugely.  Their fellow Irish provinces, Leinster and Munster, still get most of the publicity and the Heineken Cup runs, but if the Ravenhill side continue to improve then there could be an end to the days when they fought Connacht for the wooden spoon.

COACH:  Mark McCall likes a running style of rugby, and he has the players to put it into action.  On form, they're a threat to anyone, with fast backs who run intelligent lines and play with a bit of depth.  They're not useless up front either.  Justin Harrison's experience and sheer presence has helped to knit together a pack which has youth on its side as well as some Irish caps.  They're not going to be bullied off the park, and with that zip behind the scrum, they're always capable of scoring.

KEY MAN:  Harrison is perhaps the catalyst who enables Ulster to play the way they do, with David Humphreys important as a playmaker.  But the player who sums up the style with which this team plays is Andrew Trimble.  Though dedicated to his academic studies, he's still shown immense maturity on the field, not even looking out of place alongside O'Driscoll, D'Arcy and co at international level.  He knows where the try-line is, and with Trimble in their back line, Ulster won't ever lose a game for lack of a finisher.  Fellow Irish internationals Tommy Bowe and Isaac Boss are also worth watching.

NEW BLOOD:  Up front, the addition of Tom Court from Queensland sparked interest when, before he'd even packed down in an Ulster shirt, he was whisked away to play for Ireland A at the Churchill Cup.  With negligible depth at prop for the national side, Court may be playing for the full side before too long.  Saracens' Mark Bartholemeusz joins, to play among those backs.  Keiran Dawson is added to the back-row, which already contains some pretty handy players.

PROGNOSIS:  Given that they had the misfortune to be drawn alongside Toulouse, London Irish and Llanelli, a Celtic League run may be beyond Ulster just now.  But there's absolutely no reason their successful domestic season need be a flash in the pan.  They've got fine players, an imaginative coach and a passionate support.  Ravenhill will be a place worth visiting again this season.  Especially now they'll be serving cool, crisp Magners.  Heaven can be found in plastic cups now, too!

Magners League Preview: Ospreys

From winning the Celtic League in 2005, finishing seventh in 2006 represented something of a fall-off for the Ospreys.  Head coach Lyn Jones has reacted by recruiting international players who will step into the first XV pretty much immediately.  It will be instructive to see how the side gels - to justify the recruitment of high-profile stars, the Ospreys will need to start winning games pretty quickly.

COACH:  Lyn Jones has the Celtic League title 2004/05 to show what his side can do.  But you're only as good as your last outing, and last year that really wasn't very good.  Injuries and suspensions played some part in this, but those come to all teams and if the Ospreys finish seventh again it simply will not be good enough.

KEY MAN:  The recruitment of Justin Marshall from Premiership bottom side Leeds is a canny move.  Bags of international experience, and a competitive nature.  He's also not shy of making himself heard when something annoys him - oh, to be a fly on the wall should Gavin Henson speak out of turn in his presence.  As for Henson, he's one of those players.  On form, there's no doubt he can control a game to a very high standard.  But the feeling persists that he's easy to get at, and his performance against Ireland in the last Six Nations was clownish.

NEW BLOOD:  Well, there's Marshall for starters.  To go along with him, Lyn Jones raided the Llanelli Scarlets and signed international full-back Lee Byrne.  Byrne stepped into the role held by Gareth Thomas before Thomas got injured, and gave a pretty decent account of himself in the Six Nations.  The return of Ryan Jones will in itself be like signing a new player - he missed much of last season through injury, and will be keen to make up for lost time.  The huge New Zealander Filo Tiatia is also added to the back row, giving them a physical presence that wasn't there last season.

PROGNOSIS:  With so many variables it's hard to say, but the new signings are quality players and should enable an improvement on last season.  There's a lot of work to be done to achieve that, but a top-four finish should be their goal.

Magners League Preview: Munster

"What's that coming over the hill", as the Automatic have been heard to ask more than once, "Is it a Munster?  Is it a Munsterrrrrrrr?"

Yes, it is.  European Champions Munster (and, as a self-confessed Munster fan it still feels good to type those words) have a lot to live up to this season.  The silver polish had barely been ordered after the victory over Biarritz in Cardiff when Anthony Foley pointed out that Munster needed to take the triumph as a springboard, not a finishing point.  If they are to measure themselves against the European greats, they need to win the Heineken Cup again.  Toulouse have won three, Leicester two.  There's still work to do, but if there's one thing this Munster side aren't afraid of, it's hard graft.

COACH:  Declan Kidney is the man being put forward for canonization by the rugby fans of the province, having finally brought back the Holy Grail.  Being Munster Rugby coach, though, is a tricky business.  Now we know they can win the Heineken Cup, we'll be looking for them to do it more often.  Kidney's success last season was in playing to the side's strengths.  Thus Ronan O'Gara's tactical kicking gained ground, and the line-out forwards won ball, which was carried forward by our back row.  And on occasion, when they got really confident, the ball was transferred to the backs, who crossed the line and scored tries.  Of course, sometimes the locks just barged over the line themselves, to save time.

KEY MAN:  Paul O'Connell.  Don't listen to all the "new Martin Johnson" nonsense.  There will only ever be one Martin Johnson, and what he gave Leicester and England was unique.  Paul O'Connell is a fine player in his own right.  On his day, there's no better line-out jumper in the world.  He can also carry the ball like a back-row, and gets through work at the breakdown for good measure.  Having Donncha O'Callaghan alongside him must help, of course.  Another contender would be Denis Leamy, who can play right across the back row.  He's a tough sod, but a lot more besides, and as Anthony Foley gets older it must be a joy for him to see someone cut from the same stone as him ready to take the torch.

NEW BLOOD:  Eoghan Hickey, a fly-half from Leinster, and Chris Wyatt, a lock from Llanelli.  Two squad signings who will get their fair share of play as Ronan O'Gara and the entire pack swan off on international duty.  Some amount of promotion from within should also take place.  Last season we saw Barry Murphy, Tomas O'Leary and Ian Dowling give our back-line some verve, so maybe there are some more gems to mine.

PROGNOSIS:  The best team in Europe, but only the third best in Ireland, if results were to be trusted.  Which they're not.  It'll be a hard ask for Munster to win the Heineken again, as the field is so even that picking a winner right now seems impossible.  They will want to perform better in the Magners (the perfect accompaniment to a steak dinner) League this season, just so Leinster and Ulster don't get any puffed-up ideas.  Certain to be there or thereabouts domestically, and a lot will depend on how the head-to-heads with Leicester in Europe shape up (including my marriage).

Magners League Preview: Llanelli Scarlets

The Scarlets' Anglo-Welsh cup exploits took a back seat to bigger news in the final analysis of the season - the departure of Gareth Jenkins to the national hot-seat.  Perhaps Llanelli fans won't mind too much - if it makes other teams forget they've signed Stephen Jones, then they could be nine points ahead in most games before the opposition has twigged.  This could be an interesting season for the Scarlets, as new Director of Rugby Phil Davies seeks to make an impressive start coaching a side that, unlike his previous charges, don't count the Grim Reaper as a season-ticket holder.

COACH:  As mentioned, Phil Davies moves across the border from last season's Guinness Premiership dead men walking, Leeds.  Keeping them in the Premiership last year was a task tantamount to persuading a lemming to come back from the edge of the cliff and buy a parachute.  With the Scarlets, Davies will look to break last season's Irish hegemony in the Celtic League, and have a shot at breaking the unwritten Heineken Cup knockout stages rule:  "No Welsh, No Scots, No Italians".

KEY MAN:  The second-best Peel ever, Dwayne*, is one of the world's top scrum-halves.  Quick around the base of the scrum, he's got a break and a pass that are the envy of many.  Now he's united at club level with international half-back partner Stephen Jones, interesting things could well spark behind the scrum.  The back row includes captain Simon Easterby, who may find himself free to play on international weekends, having stupidly got injured during a time when Irish back-rows appear to be growing on trees.

NEW BLOOD:  Obviously Stephen Jones stands out, a fine signing who completes an all-Lions half-back set.  Accurate kicking and an eye for the game that mark him out as a world-class player, and just as an aside as to how important he is to Wales, have a look at their game in Dublin last spring.  Pay particular attention to how things were going before he got injured, and after he was replaced by Gavin Henson, who gave a performance that narrowly avoided having a laugh-track added when the BBC broadcast the highlights.  They've also added Lou Reed on a development contract, in the hope that his avant-garde discordant noise, learned during his time with Velvet Underground, will put the opposition off.  I'd like to patent any "Perfect Day" headlines that a good performance may spawn in the future.

PROGNOSIS:  Anywhere in the top four would signal that they can be taken seriously.  A Heineken Cup pool that places them with Toulouse, London Irish and Ulster won't have been met with universal gratitude by anyone, but a decent finish in that group will make the players feel ten feet tall.  Which will come in handy when competing with Luke Charteris at line-outs.

*John takes first place.  R.I.P., radio god.

Ospreys beset by fly-half worries

The Ospreys are counting the cost of having Brent Cockbain on their books again, as a collision with the giant lock has deprived them of the services of starting fly-half Shaun Connor for up to six weeks.  With a couple of weeks between now and their next Magners League clash against Edinburgh, the Ospreys will be hoping for the return of Matthew Jones from injury.  Failing that, they will hope that James Hook might be freed from international responsibilities for a week, or that Gavin Henson stops being so laughably inept.

An un-named Scrumbag representative said "In no way was this story chosen in order to have another sneaky pop at Gavin Henson, and quite frankly I am aghast at any claims that it was."  Olly Barkley's hair was unavailable for comment.

Magners League weekend preview

Just because the Ireland players are sat at home sulking about last weekend, the Wales players are all crying into their pints and the Scotland players are dancing a (very boring) jig, does not mean there is not serious business to attend to in their league..

Borders v Munster - the worst team in the world league welcome their Irish visitors with about as much hope of getting a result as the non-dart player on Bullseye firing a 180.  Even with their Ireland squad absences meaning Frankie Sheahan, 72, is back at hooker this should be a simple win for the province.

Glasgow v Llanelli Scarlets - A mid-table bore-fest if ever there was one. Glasgow are welcoming back a large contingent of their Scotland players whilst the Scarlets are fielding their second string so expect a home win, even with Dan 'Kick It!" Parks orchestrating.

Leinster v Edinburgh - High flying Leinster are without their Ireland players, which is basically two-thirds of their first team,  however with third place Edinburgh in roughly the same boat this game game could spring a surprise or two.  Expect Leinster to win, but not by as much as the 39 points last time

Ospreys v Connacht - Gav the Chav has been ruled out for the Ospreys, but they do welcome back Shane Williams and fair dinkum Welshman Brent Cockbain.  Connacht of course beat the Ospreys (along with plenty others) earlier this season in Galway, but it's hard to see it happening here.

Ulster v Newport-Gwent D'gons -  Ulster entertain their Welsh vistors at fortress Ravenhill  with a strong line-up, haveing seen most of their Ireland players allowed to return.  The Dragons have the experienced half-back partnership of Ceri Sweeney and Gareth Cooper to call upon.  Expect an Ulster win at home.

Shane Jennings returns to Leinster

Irish flanker Shane Jennings will return to Leinster from Leicester Tigers at the end of the season.  The Ireland international, who made the move to Welford Road in 2005, has been an irregular starter for the Premiership team since that move, and will rejoin a back row that is beginning to look very solid, with Keith Gleeson and Jamie Heaslip already in situ.

 

Tigers coach Pat Howard, who will himself depart the club at the end of this season, paid tribute to the player:  "It is a great disappointment that Shane is heading back to Leinster.  For both his family situation and current Ireland selection policy, I do understand. He has had two fantastic years here on and off the field and he will be missed."

Magners League Previews: Week One

Yes, oh yes, saints be praised, the new season starts tonight!  Guinness Premiership matches tomorrow, but tonight the newly-titled Magners League gets underway, and not a second before time.  In fact, picture if you will a lone man crossing a barren desert.  He's on the brink of dehydration, a broken man, with heat exhaustion taking its toll.  Suddenly, he sees a bar in the middle distance.  He can hear Pogues songs belting from the jukebox, sees beautiful red-haired girls dancing on the terrace, and best of all, a sign hangs from the frontage of the pub.  That sign has on it just one word:  Magners.  Or Bulmers if the desert is in Ireland.  Which is unlikely.

Anyway, I digress.  For that man?  That man, dear reader, is me.  That desert is the summer.  And that bar is the new season.  I'm not sure who the girls are, it's frankly not a great metaphor, but then, I'm not a very good writer.  [Paul Kelly]

So here, finally, are our first match previews.

Cardiff Blues vs Munster, Tonight 7.10 pm

Cardiff select a strong side for the first kick-off of the Magners League at the Arms Park this evening.  Munster's announced selection is something of a second-string, captained by John Kelly.  This is due to a four-game recovery period for the Irish internationals after the summer tour, which robs Munster of an entire pack.  The home side features several internationals.  New signings Mosese Luveitasau and Tufa'ao Filise are in the XV, and international half-back partnership Mike Phillips and Nick Robinson start, with Martyn Williams returning in the back row and Tom Shanklin making the bench after ten months out injured.  Munster's XV features a strong back five.  Christian Cullen starts, having recovered from a niggling back injury.  His new, performance related contract is designed to show his intention to repay the faith of Munster's fans.  Regulars Shaun Payne, Ian Dowling and John Kelly join him in the backs, while Frankie Sheahan makes his return from long-term injury at hooker.  New signing Chris Wyatt joins youngster Donnacha Ryan in the second row.

Borders vs Connacht, Tonight 7.30 pm

Connacht play this away game before a run of six at home.  A win tonight, therefore, would put them very much on the right track.  They'll need to work for it, though, as Chris Cusiter returns to action for Borders.  Newbies Craig Hamilton and Stuart Grimes bolster the home lineout, while Brett Wilkinson and Adrian Flavin are Connacht's new blood, both front-rowers.  The Scots will begin as favourites, but Connacht used to make a habit of springing surprises.  If they can get back into that habit, an intriguing season awaits.

Glasgow vs Dragons, Tonight 7.30 pm

Both teams start the season with injury and fitness problems, missing five players each - so whoever wins tonight can be confident that, with players to come back, they can be positive about the season ahead. Rory Lamont, Scott Lawson, John Beattie, Ben Prescott and Colin White miss out for Glasgow, while the Dragons miss Gareth Cooper, Michael Owen, Kevin Morgan, Luke Charteris and Paul Emerick.  Back-row Colin Charvis, meanwhile, must be content with a spot on the bench.  Both sides are still capable of fielding a few internationals though, with Glasgow able to boast an international half-back pairing in Dan Parks and Sam Pinder.  That, along with home advantage, leads me to back Glasgow for this contest.

Ospreys vs Edinburgh, Tomorrow 5.30 pm

New men Lee Byrne, Tal Selley and Justin Marshall all start in an interesting attack for the Ospreys, with Sonny Parker returning from injury to partner Gavin Henson in the centre.  Perhaps the biggest boost for the Welsh side, though, comes with the return of Ryan Jones to the back row.  A phenomenally gifted player, Jones was a big miss for both club and country last season, and if he returns to even 75% of the form he was at before his injury, he'll be a precious asset.  The Gunners are pretty handy in attack themselves, with more than half of Scotland's backs among their starting seven.  Simon Taylor is out through injury, and more shockingly, grass is green.  Ospreys should probably win this, but should and will are different things.

Ulster vs Scarlets, Tomorrow 7.30 pm

Champions Ulster close out the weekend, with a home clash against the Scarlets tomorrow night.  David Humphreys is passed fit to start, which is good news for a home side without their Irish internationals.  So Humphreys partners Keiran Campbell in the half-backs, and Paddy Wallace moves back into the centre in the absence of Andrew Trimble.  Despite Neil Best's absence, the back row still looks handy, with Roger Wilson and Stephen Ferris both very useful, and Keiran Dawson available from the bench.  For the Scarlets, Stephen Jones and Dwayne Peel reprise their ever-popular international partnership, and a debut is given to second-row Lou Reed.  If he scores the winning try, it'll be a Perfect Day for him, ha ha ha ha ha.  What?

Magners League Preview: Ulster

Last year's Celtic League champions, and the last team to win the title under that name, Ulster have a lot to live up to this season.  With the 05/06 season seeing more Ulster players than usual in the Ireland squad (ie. more than one), interest in their games increased hugely.  Their fellow Irish provinces, Leinster and Munster, still get most of the publicity and the Heineken Cup runs, but if the Ravenhill side continue to improve then there could be an end to the days when they fought Connacht for the wooden spoon.

COACH:  Mark McCall likes a running style of rugby, and he has the players to put it into action.  On form, they're a threat to anyone, with fast backs who run intelligent lines and play with a bit of depth.  They're not useless up front either.  Justin Harrison's experience and sheer presence has helped to knit together a pack which has youth on its side as well as some Irish caps.  They're not going to be bullied off the park, and with that zip behind the scrum, they're always capable of scoring.

KEY MAN:  Harrison is perhaps the catalyst who enables Ulster to play the way they do, with David Humphreys important as a playmaker.  But the player who sums up the style with which this team plays is Andrew Trimble.  Though dedicated to his academic studies, he's still shown immense maturity on the field, not even looking out of place alongside O'Driscoll, D'Arcy and co at international level.  He knows where the try-line is, and with Trimble in their back line, Ulster won't ever lose a game for lack of a finisher.  Fellow Irish internationals Tommy Bowe and Isaac Boss are also worth watching.

NEW BLOOD:  Up front, the addition of Tom Court from Queensland sparked interest when, before he'd even packed down in an Ulster shirt, he was whisked away to play for Ireland A at the Churchill Cup.  With negligible depth at prop for the national side, Court may be playing for the full side before too long.  Saracens' Mark Bartholemeusz joins, to play among those backs.  Keiran Dawson is added to the back-row, which already contains some pretty handy players.

PROGNOSIS:  Given that they had the misfortune to be drawn alongside Toulouse, London Irish and Llanelli, a Celtic League run may be beyond Ulster just now.  But there's absolutely no reason their successful domestic season need be a flash in the pan.  They've got fine players, an imaginative coach and a passionate support.  Ravenhill will be a place worth visiting again this season.  Especially now they'll be serving cool, crisp Magners.  Heaven can be found in plastic cups now, too!

Magners League Preview: Ospreys

From winning the Celtic League in 2005, finishing seventh in 2006 represented something of a fall-off for the Ospreys.  Head coach Lyn Jones has reacted by recruiting international players who will step into the first XV pretty much immediately.  It will be instructive to see how the side gels - to justify the recruitment of high-profile stars, the Ospreys will need to start winning games pretty quickly.

COACH:  Lyn Jones has the Celtic League title 2004/05 to show what his side can do.  But you're only as good as your last outing, and last year that really wasn't very good.  Injuries and suspensions played some part in this, but those come to all teams and if the Ospreys finish seventh again it simply will not be good enough.

KEY MAN:  The recruitment of Justin Marshall from Premiership bottom side Leeds is a canny move.  Bags of international experience, and a competitive nature.  He's also not shy of making himself heard when something annoys him - oh, to be a fly on the wall should Gavin Henson speak out of turn in his presence.  As for Henson, he's one of those players.  On form, there's no doubt he can control a game to a very high standard.  But the feeling persists that he's easy to get at, and his performance against Ireland in the last Six Nations was clownish.

NEW BLOOD:  Well, there's Marshall for starters.  To go along with him, Lyn Jones raided the Llanelli Scarlets and signed international full-back Lee Byrne.  Byrne stepped into the role held by Gareth Thomas before Thomas got injured, and gave a pretty decent account of himself in the Six Nations.  The return of Ryan Jones will in itself be like signing a new player - he missed much of last season through injury, and will be keen to make up for lost time.  The huge New Zealander Filo Tiatia is also added to the back row, giving them a physical presence that wasn't there last season.

PROGNOSIS:  With so many variables it's hard to say, but the new signings are quality players and should enable an improvement on last season.  There's a lot of work to be done to achieve that, but a top-four finish should be their goal.

Magners League Preview: Munster

"What's that coming over the hill", as the Automatic have been heard to ask more than once, "Is it a Munster?  Is it a Munsterrrrrrrr?"

Yes, it is.  European Champions Munster (and, as a self-confessed Munster fan it still feels good to type those words) have a lot to live up to this season.  The silver polish had barely been ordered after the victory over Biarritz in Cardiff when Anthony Foley pointed out that Munster needed to take the triumph as a springboard, not a finishing point.  If they are to measure themselves against the European greats, they need to win the Heineken Cup again.  Toulouse have won three, Leicester two.  There's still work to do, but if there's one thing this Munster side aren't afraid of, it's hard graft.

COACH:  Declan Kidney is the man being put forward for canonization by the rugby fans of the province, having finally brought back the Holy Grail.  Being Munster Rugby coach, though, is a tricky business.  Now we know they can win the Heineken Cup, we'll be looking for them to do it more often.  Kidney's success last season was in playing to the side's strengths.  Thus Ronan O'Gara's tactical kicking gained ground, and the line-out forwards won ball, which was carried forward by our back row.  And on occasion, when they got really confident, the ball was transferred to the backs, who crossed the line and scored tries.  Of course, sometimes the locks just barged over the line themselves, to save time.

KEY MAN:  Paul O'Connell.  Don't listen to all the "new Martin Johnson" nonsense.  There will only ever be one Martin Johnson, and what he gave Leicester and England was unique.  Paul O'Connell is a fine player in his own right.  On his day, there's no better line-out jumper in the world.  He can also carry the ball like a back-row, and gets through work at the breakdown for good measure.  Having Donncha O'Callaghan alongside him must help, of course.  Another contender would be Denis Leamy, who can play right across the back row.  He's a tough sod, but a lot more besides, and as Anthony Foley gets older it must be a joy for him to see someone cut from the same stone as him ready to take the torch.

NEW BLOOD:  Eoghan Hickey, a fly-half from Leinster, and Chris Wyatt, a lock from Llanelli.  Two squad signings who will get their fair share of play as Ronan O'Gara and the entire pack swan off on international duty.  Some amount of promotion from within should also take place.  Last season we saw Barry Murphy, Tomas O'Leary and Ian Dowling give our back-line some verve, so maybe there are some more gems to mine.

PROGNOSIS:  The best team in Europe, but only the third best in Ireland, if results were to be trusted.  Which they're not.  It'll be a hard ask for Munster to win the Heineken again, as the field is so even that picking a winner right now seems impossible.  They will want to perform better in the Magners (the perfect accompaniment to a steak dinner) League this season, just so Leinster and Ulster don't get any puffed-up ideas.  Certain to be there or thereabouts domestically, and a lot will depend on how the head-to-heads with Leicester in Europe shape up (including my marriage).

Magners League Preview: Llanelli Scarlets

The Scarlets' Anglo-Welsh cup exploits took a back seat to bigger news in the final analysis of the season - the departure of Gareth Jenkins to the national hot-seat.  Perhaps Llanelli fans won't mind too much - if it makes other teams forget they've signed Stephen Jones, then they could be nine points ahead in most games before the opposition has twigged.  This could be an interesting season for the Scarlets, as new Director of Rugby Phil Davies seeks to make an impressive start coaching a side that, unlike his previous charges, don't count the Grim Reaper as a season-ticket holder.

COACH:  As mentioned, Phil Davies moves across the border from last season's Guinness Premiership dead men walking, Leeds.  Keeping them in the Premiership last year was a task tantamount to persuading a lemming to come back from the edge of the cliff and buy a parachute.  With the Scarlets, Davies will look to break last season's Irish hegemony in the Celtic League, and have a shot at breaking the unwritten Heineken Cup knockout stages rule:  "No Welsh, No Scots, No Italians".

KEY MAN:  The second-best Peel ever, Dwayne*, is one of the world's top scrum-halves.  Quick around the base of the scrum, he's got a break and a pass that are the envy of many.  Now he's united at club level with international half-back partner Stephen Jones, interesting things could well spark behind the scrum.  The back row includes captain Simon Easterby, who may find himself free to play on international weekends, having stupidly got injured during a time when Irish back-rows appear to be growing on trees.

NEW BLOOD:  Obviously Stephen Jones stands out, a fine signing who completes an all-Lions half-back set.  Accurate kicking and an eye for the game that mark him out as a world-class player, and just as an aside as to how important he is to Wales, have a look at their game in Dublin last spring.  Pay particular attention to how things were going before he got injured, and after he was replaced by Gavin Henson, who gave a performance that narrowly avoided having a laugh-track added when the BBC broadcast the highlights.  They've also added Lou Reed on a development contract, in the hope that his avant-garde discordant noise, learned during his time with Velvet Underground, will put the opposition off.  I'd like to patent any "Perfect Day" headlines that a good performance may spawn in the future.

PROGNOSIS:  Anywhere in the top four would signal that they can be taken seriously.  A Heineken Cup pool that places them with Toulouse, London Irish and Ulster won't have been met with universal gratitude by anyone, but a decent finish in that group will make the players feel ten feet tall.  Which will come in handy when competing with Luke Charteris at line-outs.

*John takes first place.  R.I.P., radio god.

Magners League Preview: Leinster

If most of Ireland was overjoyed to see Munster finally win the Heineken Cup after going so close so often, one could forgive Leinster for casting a few irritated glances towards Thomond Park.  Two magnificent performances, first against Bath to qualify for the quarter-finals, and then winning in Toulouse to set up their semi-final with Munster, ended up counting for very little in the final analysis.  Seeing Ulster pinch the Celtic League will hardly have improved humours either.  Normally a Heineken Cup semi-final and second place in the Celtic League would be a very nearly satisfactory return for a season, but when it's the other Irish provinces carrying off the silverware in both cases, one imagines it sticks in the throats of the Leinster faithful.

COACH:  Aussie Michael Cheika replaced Declan Kidney, who enamoured himself to all of Leinster by going down South to coach Munster.  With Cheika on board, Leinster's rugby became yet more glitzy, a memorable moment from last season coming when Felipe Contepomi fielded a ball inside his own own 22 against Toulouse and, where any sane man would have hammered it upfield, running it out before finding Denis Hickie for a simply glorious score.  A choking defence still provides Leinster with some problems, usually due to slowish ball from scrum-half Guy Easterby, who it pains me to say is Ringo in the Leinster backs' version of the Beatles.

KEY MAN:  Oh, what's he called?  Number 13...  Funny hair.  No, it's gone.  You know, captains Ireland.  Handsome chap.  Remember, he got his shoulder hurt by that spear tackle.  No, BEFORE the New Zealand rugby people decided spear-tackling was wrong.  O'Driscoll!  That's it!  Anyway, quite probably the best outside centre in the world.  He takes running lines other centres wouldn't dream of taking, and if there's a crucial try being scored for Ireland, the likelihood is that it's him.  Sometimes it's easy to wish he wouldn't get involved so much at the ruck, considering he should be out in the line waiting to receive the ball, but the man comes up with plenty of turnovers.  To watch Brian O'Driscoll in form is to take a centre-play masterclass.  Overblown praise?  What should I say?  That his scrummaging is suspect?

NEW BLOOD:  Scrum-half Chris Whittaker was in Australia's squad for the 2003 World Cup.  He will now fight it out for starting duties with Guy Easterby.  Whittaker's compatriot Owen Finnegan will beef up the Leinster pack, which got knocked around the field in the Heineken semi-final.  Munster lock Trevor Hogan also arrives, having found the battle to get in Munster's first team an impossible one.  Cheika has wisely chosen to beef up the forwards, and add a bit of spice at number nine.  Time will tell if it does the job for Leinster.

PROGNOSIS:  They will be around in the final reckoning, both at home and in Europe.  They've got the players to win the Heineken Cup, it's a matter of putting games together.  It is also essential that Brian O'Driscoll stays fit.  They're by no means a one-man team, with Gordon D'Arcy, Felipe Contepomi, Denis Hickie, Shane Horgan... the list goes on.  But O'Driscoll is the talisman.

Magners League Preview: Glasgow Warriors

It must be hard being Glasgow Warriors.  Being the rugby team in a football-mad city that is home to two great football teams (Celtic and Celtic Reserves) is something of a mixed blessing.  On the one hand, all of the city can get behind them.  On the other, the city is too busy with the round-ball game to bother so much.  A dismal season like last year's, which saw them prop up the Celtic League, won't bring the crowds flocking back either.

COACH:  Sean Lineen was appointed in March, by which time Glasgow's season was already a festering heap of donkey manure.  Having had a pre-season with the team and added faces that are pleasing to him, an improvement to mediocrity would be an acceptable next step for the Kilted Kiwi.  Finishing above either of their fellow Scottish teams and getting back into the Heineken Cup would, at this stage, be a bonus.  Lineen shouldn't at this stage be under much pressure - the only way for Glasgow is up.

KEY MAN:  There is the basis of a potentially good team among the Warriors' squad.  Internationals such as Donnie McFadyen, Jon Petrie, Andrew Henderson and Dan Parks are a part of Scotland's best squad for a while.  When they are lost to international duty, though, the better players are not adequately backed up in the squad.  The side will be captained by Scottish international lock Ally Kellock, who joins from Edinburgh Gunners.  It is imperative that he and the other Hadden Heroes step up and play when available.

NEW BLOOD: As well as the aforementioned Kellock, Pumas back Francisco Leonelli arrives to give the side some pace, along with Wasps' England U-21 wing Thom Evans.  The signing of Justin Va'a, also from Wasps, will beef up the scrum.

PROGNOSIS:  The new signings look impressive, and Lineen's extra time with the players will have enabled him to communicate what he wants from them.  There truly is only one way they can go, and that is up.  If the internationalists play well when available, the Warriors can right some wrongs this season.  What have they got to lose?