Scrumbag

Five possible headlines about Danny Care being called up for England...

Danny Care has been called into England’s training squad ahead of the Six Nations clash against Scotland at Murrayfield next Saturday. But what headlines will tomorrow's papers use to spread the word? Here's my guesses, please chip in with some alternatives...

1) Danny's The Boy

2) England Take Care

3) Brian's being Careful

4) Carey on England!

5) Care for a scrum half?

Come on, surely someone can do better than that!

Could Prince Harry replace Jonny Wilkinson in The Six Nations?

I don't know if you've seen it over the past 24 hours, but every clip showing Harry in Afghanistan seems to feature him booting a rugby ball to his army buds. Frankly his kicking is simply brilliant. Could he be the answer to who replaces Wilko, now he's on his way home?

Wilkinson Vs Cipriani - at last we get to see who is better...

After what seems like centuries of bickering about who should play for England - Wilko or Cipriani - at last they genuinely go head to head tonight.

Under the floodlights, the Guinness Premiership clash between Newcastle Falcons and London Wasps at Kingston Park is going to be fantastic. All eyes will be on who takes control Falcon Wilko or Waspriani. Presumably both will get injured and neither will be available for England on March 8.

Cipriani claims he's more than happy in the shadows right now. Honest. "I watch Jonny training," he's harped recently, "commentating on what's happening, the way he calls the moves, his organisation of players around him. We talk after training, during kicking practice, at the hotel. I want to learn from his experience. He was once in the position I'm in now, a young player trying to break into the national side.”

It'll be interesting to see just how hard the pair are pushing to out do each other tonight...

Mystery of James Simpson-Daniel's lack of international recognition solved

Every England coach for the last six years has consistently ignored James Simpson-Daniel, despite the fact that he is basically the English Shane Williams: small, fast, picks awesome lines, has had a laughable portrait done by a joker of an artist (possibly), and can unlock the trickiest of defences.

Anyway, Scrumbag can now confirm that the reason for this is that the Gloucester flyer is invisible.  Former team-mate Phil Vickery said this week, "James (left, still invisible) was cursed by a juju man while on holiday in Haiti a few years ago that rendered him invisible.  It makes him a swine to tackle in training." 

This is the second such incident of invisiblity to affect and England player; Simon Shaw suffered the same fate until last year when a chance encounter in Covent Garden with an asylum-seeking witch doctor from Equatorial Guinea led to him being cured in time for the World Cup.

Are you geeky enough to watch The Six Nations in 3D?

After complaints this week about too much rugby on the beeb, Inverdale and co are fighting back like a haggle of furious geese after your lunch.

To "improve" their Six Nations egg chasery coverage for the masses, they're set to test a 3D HD broadcast of a Six Nations match next month. They've already tried out this technology in the USA with last year's NBA All-Star Game and NBA Finals, all being shown in 3D stateside.

The March 8 game between Scotland and England will be captured by three camera rigs and then transmitted via satellite to an audience (of nerds) watching a big screen with 3D glasses. Sounds ridiculous? It is.

Nasty French OAP Raphael Ibanez rewarded for player stomping with a big fat new Wasps contract...

Having spent his entire career extremely successfully being a "bit of an arse" Wasps hooker Raphael Ibanez has just got to the end of his latest ban for foul play. He was banned after being found guilty of stamping on Simon Easterby of Llanelli Scarlets.

Brilliantly, to celebrate this Wasps have handed him a big fat juicy one-year contract extension. It'll keep the hooker at the High Wycombe club until the end of the 2008-2009 season. All this despite him already being 35?

The niggly former France captain will also combine his playing duties with a coaching role at the Wasps academy. "I still want some action as a player," croaked Raphael in his thick French accent, "but I am very excited about the opportunity to do some coaching. I had some options to consider from the French Rugby Federation but I need to get some coaching experience first."

So are you pleased to see him hanging around for another season, or were you looking forward to seeing the back of him?

Does anyone other than Shaun Edwards want Shaun Edwards as the new Lions coach?

Not content with already having 76 jobs, Shaun Edwards now has his beady eye on the biggest job of the lot... coaching the Lions. Surely with all his Wasps, Wales and TV work he hasn't got the time to coach the Lions too. Please say it's not now become a job you can squeeze in during your lunch break?

On the subject, Edwards has said, “If I don’t go on the Lions tour because I am not good enough, I accept that. If they pick someone else in front of me, I can accept that." Okay, okay, we get it... you accept that.

“But not putting my name in the hat," continues Edwards without spitting out the words "accept" or "that" (though "hat" was close), "by not getting involved would not be acceptable to me.”

Let me know who you think should be Lions gaffer... Edwards? Gatland? White? Bald Clive? Erm, DeVilliers?

Shock news! Lawrence Dallaglio hasn't undermined Brian Ashton for a whole 24 hours! Oh... wait... no... he just has...

Just as I was beginning to think somebody had glued Lozza's big yappy trap shut, Dallagio has spouted some more delightful opinion about where England are going wrong without him.

Today Dallagio is demandng Cipriani should start. Makes sense. But not in place of Jonny Wilkinson. Oh.

The ex-England captain thinks Wilkinson is approaching something near his best again and believes fly-half Cipriani, 20, should replace Ian Balshaw. "I would play Cipriani at full-back," Dallaglio told BBC Radio 5 Live.
"He has a huge amount to offer - he has got that X-factor - and his form is a little bit better than Balshaw's. The responsibility of playing 10 is a huge one. To throw someone like Danny in there and say 'run the show' and expect him to be better than Jonny is a big ask."

Hate to say it. But for once Lozza, that kind of makes sense. Let me know what you think about this...

A warning to Wales fans heading out to Ireland for the Six Nations...

This Six Nations clip by S4 I guess, is a must see for any Wales or Ireland fans ahead of their big clash on March 8. Can Wales really get the grand slam?

Could your pub become the official shirt sponsor of Fiji?

The Fiji Rugby Union has put out an expression of interest inviting firms to sponsor the Fiji National 15s team. It's not going to take much dosh to get whatever slogan you want on their shirts, so why not have a whip round and get your pub to sponsor them?

The decision to find a sponsor comes following the end of dealings between Rugby House and Flour Mills of Fiji last month. And if your pub does get the nod, The FRU will in return offer the company team naming rights, merchandise items and rights to use players and coached in advertising. Superb.