Scrumbag

Top 10 Hottest Rugby Players: Sebastien Chabal

Ooh la la.  Sebastien Chabal.  This man needs no introduction.  The rugged French No. 8 has scored Number 8 on Rugby's Hot List.  Chabal has women swooning over him and men wanting to be him.  But what makes this caveman so primal?  Is it the hair or the savage look in his eye?  The guy even has his own cult following with the 'Chabalists'; a merry band of devoted converts dissecting his every move, on and off the field.

Whether you know him as the Caveman, Seabass, or Atilla and The Anesthesiologist, one thing is for sure.  Chabal is a rugby monster (just ask Chris Masoe). The French team will be a difficult one to beat in the Rugby World Cup, especially with the Caveman packing down at the base of the scrum.

Rugby World Cup: Referees You Don't Like

Refereeing.  Could it possibly be the most thankless job in the world?  And what person in their right mind would want to do it.  Strangely it seems there are plenty of tooters out there - but who really gets on your nerves? 

Who sends palpitations through your system when you hear he'll be calling your team's game?  Who makes you raise your eyes to the heavens and order another stiff drink when you view his little white legs running onto the pitch as fast as he can?  Who is a bit too fond of the small yellow cards sitting in his pocket?  Who is addicted to handing out penalities whilst attempting to blow a small symphonic overture on his whistle?  Who has the biggest ego?  Who makes a dogs dinner of the big games?  Who is the ref at the Rugby World Cup that you just wish wasn't going to be there.

Rugby World Cup: England Will Beat South Africa

England will beat South Africa in their Rugby World Cup pool.  At least, this is the belief of Sir Clive. "We have the players to beat South Africa," he said.  "I know we have - I know the players.  The one team which has always had the Indian sign over South Africa is England".

I'm not sure what exactly an Indian sign is...but what I do know is this.  After a fraught four years where Dad's Army fell from spectacular grace - World Champs to World Chumps, the red rose battalion is getting into line to peak at the right time.

England have the age (Dallaglio), the mouthy leader (Dallaglio again), the impact players off the bench (yes...Dallaglio, stand up and take a bow).  With the wizardry of Brian Ashton, belief (in Woody's camp) is beginning to build that England have pulled the wool over many a media pundit's eyes.  Predictions are mounting that in a week's time, the men in white will be peaking to perfection.

OK - admittedly Sir Clive is a soloist in the choir of rugby dissent.  Of course there is an understanding that no-one can write off South Africa.  Admittedly, the Boks have choked in many a world cup.  But, their away from home record has improved dramatically recently, as proved in the last few World Cup 'friendlies'.  (And also, they do have some rather good players).   But is this good enough?

Whether Sir Clive will be right or wrong is anyone's guess.  Possibly a few Bokke loose forwards will have a say in how things are going to pan out as the tournament plays out - but only time will tell.

Top 10 Hottest Rugby Players: Gareth Thomas

A man like this has got to be a keeper. Hence, he has been awarded the distinction of 9th hottest rugby player in the world.  Considering he was around when the great Jonah Lomu was swatting off men like flies in 1995, you've just got to admire the guy's stamina.  If Duncan Jones is the hair of the team, Shane Williams the owner of twinkle-toes, James Hook the leg and Colin Charvis the, erm, armpit- then Alf is surely the heart.  Forget brylcream (TM) Gav.  Alf will be the man to lead Wales.  Hopefully he'll make a full recovery, ready to participate in the final Rugby World Cup tournament of his career.

Take home to Mum: 50%; Great person to have on your pub quiz team: 55%; Model potential (underwear only) 33%; Rugby World Champion potential: 11%

Scrumbag: Working for the Global Communi-tay

Just to prove that Scrumbag refreshes the parts of the globe other rugby websites just don't reach, here's a nice e-mail we received from "Ray in the USA", who apparently runs a company in Ghana and doesn't own a football or a dictionary. Nevertheless, er, Ray: a Soccerball is on its way to you, courtesy of Scrumbag!

"HELLO
THIS IS RAY FROM USA AND I WILL LIKE TO ORDER SOME SOCCERBALL FROM YOUR COMPANY TO MY ENTERPISE IN WEST AFRICAN THAT IS GHANA BUT I WANT TO ORDER ABOUT 1000 PCS FOR THE START BUT I WOULD LIKE YOU O GET ME A SAMPLE OF THE PRODUCT O TEST THE QUALITY OF THE SOCCERBALL, AS SOON I GET THE SAMPLES AND I CONFIRM THE QUALITY OF IT THEM I CAN PROCEED WITH MEY PURCHASE..I HOPE TO BUILD A GOOD BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP YOU ..THANK YOU AND BEST REGARDS....

RAY"

The Friday Rant: Now It's Personal

Fed up with people calling the ABs chokers when they lose, and saying they've raped the Pacific Islands when they win? Peeing your pants that your team is going to suck on a global scale when the Rugby World Cup starts in 10 days and want to lash out at another team? Seen a prop in one of those skin-tight jerseys and vomited a little bit into your mouth? Gareth Jenkins AGAIN?

Don't delay: rant today! 400 words of your choice - as long as you'd be happy with your dear old Mum reading them - to scrumbag_editor@yahoo.co.uk and we'll post the best of breed on Friday.

Soccerball Tactics 101: Mugging the Ref

Once in a while, Scrumbag likes to remind itself why chasing an oval ball around like a demented Labrador beats the pants off the more popular round ball version of footy. This week, we focus on respect for the game officials. It's the future I tell you, etc. etc.

GOLANUL IONEL GANEA
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We particularly enjoyed the nipple twist and the little punch in the gut, as well as the notable lack of support for the assistant ref from anyone on the pitch - including the referee. The cheek of it, waving a flag!

Shit Lookalikes: Lionel Blair et Lionel Blair

Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "French training camp".

Your Shout: Forward Firepower?

10 days to go and it's starting to look like a huge, mobile back row will be indispensable for winning the Webby. Who do you think has the best ugly buggers in the business - and why?

Related Posts: Rugby World Cup: McCaw v Burger

It Shouldn't Happen to an Egg Chaser: Crap Shark Attack

It's that time of the week again when professional sportsmen soil themselves in front of a crowd of thousands. This week, Akona Ndungane of the Natal Sharks and South Africa gives a masterclass in why you shouldn't eat a greasy keeeeebab and then play rugby. Nice going, 'N!